Random ramblings

2011 was a beautiful year in the sense, I really see God working in my life. I felt a change from 2010. I felt improved, renewed and was moving forward. 2012 somehow seems to be lacking. I feel as if nothing has changed. Things haven't changed. 

I know I could be better. I know I can be better. But I am not. Every once in awhile, I need a push, a shove, or some words or act of encouragement. I need motivation. I need to feel inspired. 

My love for photography and blogging seems to have wane for now. I've lost the oomph to take photos, I lost the excitement to blog. Hence, sparse posts this past year. 

Maybe it is because, 2012, I did not make any resolutions. What with the hullabaloo of wedding planning and the ceremony last year, I didn't managed to sit and reflect on 2011 and plan for 2012. I keep saying I will and I kept putting it off.

Look at us now. It's August. 2/3 of the year gone. Just like that.

Every time I fall, I pick myself up, eventually. However, I would really give anything not to fall. Because, when I fall, I get hurt, I get injured. I gets scrapes and cuts. And this takes time to heal. Healing process is never speedy. And I am not talking about physical wounds.

Do you ever worry about money? About where you're headed in life? Do you ever doubt yourself? Or wonder if you're doing what you're meant to be doing? Or perhaps, your destiny is still awaiting you to find it?

We all wish and hope for our fairytale story but that's just it, isn't it? Fairy tales and reality don't go hand in hand. Life is full of ups and downs. It can never be up all the time. 

It's about constant struggles and never giving up. It's about always pushing ourselves to be the best that we can be. It's not about making excuses. It's not about blaming others. 

It's about us and all those around us; the choices we have and the decisions we make. To err is human. If we make a mistake or many, it's not the end of the world. Let it be a lesson and learnt from it. 

Next step would be to let go and move forward. Dwelling on the past and things that are no longer in our control is useless and pointless. It's the next step we take that counts and determines our future. 

At the end of the day, we just got to tell ourselves that no matter where we are, who we are and what we do.. everything's gonna be alright. And it will be, it's just a matter of when.

Little perk me ups

On crabby, gloomy days, everyone needs some perk me ups. 

If you have thoughtful, loving friends and family nearby to shower you with awesomeness to shoo those gloom away... 

Good on you. 

For people like me who am away from loved ones (or people just forget about), this is how I brighten up my day. 

Hope it brings a smile onto your face. Even if it is for awhile. :)

 

Love and life

Are you ready for a long, thought filling post? If you're not, then, it's best to click the little 'x' at the top right corner. If not, buckle up... I wanted to update my blog and as usual, my thoughts aren't exactly coherently organised. So, do bear with me. 

Each and everyone of us love and crave to be loved. However, due to human nature, we tend to complicate everything, even love. 

If one is in a happy and non-complicated relationship, it eventually bores them with the lack of thrills and excitement. 

On the other hand, being in a volatile relationship can be disastrous and scarring for ones mental mind eventually leading to the inevitable separation of both parties.

Some people are fortunate to meet their soul mates in their partner. Most often, we don't. I think ideally, it is great to be with a partner who understands, empathises and inspires, if not, at least, bring out the better side in you.

Mr. C and I, unfortunately, don't seem to be either of those. Despite that  coupled with our differences and incompatibilities, our relationship somehow works. And that is reality. Not Prince Charming, not Mr. Right. Those two gentlemen and happy endings that we see in Hollywood movies just aren't the realities of our world. 

BUT if you do so happen to have at least one of those three 'dreams', then good on you! Treasure what you have and don't wait to lose it to only realise the full depths of your loss.

In every boy girl relationship, even with similarities, there are bound to be differences. The magnitude of the differences and how one handles it determines the fate of the relationship. I reckon, when one is young ie teens or uni years, one may lack the maturity and life experience to handle situations well.

When we learn to accept and overcome arguments, situations and whatever obstacles life throws at us (sometimes, we are the guilty party putting ourselves in that position), it builds our character, who we are. 

If one has a pretty smooth sailing life with few worries, stress or tension, it doesn't mean that person lacks character. One just may not be as well equipped as someone who has been through it all.

 

These days, true and sincere love is hard to find. People are selfish and tend to think of 'me, myself and I'. It's not what I can do for others but what others can do for me. If we say we love someone, do we mean it? Or is it just said in the heat of passion? 

Age old question: can we differentiate between love and lust?

Being in Australia, I noticed that sex is talked about much and in mainstream media. In movies and series, news and documentaries, the radio, it's all about sex, sex, sex. Even if you're not interested, it's pretty much in your face. The way of dressing, how people carry themselves, it oozes with sensuality.

One night stands are a norm. Divorces and separation are probably more common than healthy marriages. In fact, don't be surprised but people no longer deem it necessary to officiate and legalise their relationship in holy matrimony. 

To them, it's just a piece of paper. 

To them, why bother marrying if it limits a person. Why bother marrying if people eventually fall out of love?

I think, God really had it right. Having premarital sex is definitely not ideally. This is just my opinion. Me, thinking out loud. You may think me old school (and perhaps I am, for thinking so) but the idea of love making is just that, to create intimacy between couples. With that intimacy, it brings couples closer. 

However, when intimacy is trust upon a couple who aren't ready, then, things tend to spiral out of control. And most cases, people have sex not because of their love for one another but just because the heat of the moment. One kiss leads to another and from first base, it's next to second.

It is not the main criteria of a successful and happy relationship, that's for sure. And that is why God meant for it to be between a husband and a wife. We live in a time where the message is to 'just do it', to go with ones feelings and to hell with the consequences.

But with every decisions, choices and path we take, we inevitably have to live the consequences. 

 

 

When we are a child, our world is less complicated. Everything is black and white. Right and wrong is as clear as day and night. However, as we grow and step into adulthood, we stepped into a world full of grey areas. We justify the wrongs we do till they are right. 

Nothing is as simple as 1, 2, 3 anymore. We no longer have to contend with eat, sleep and homework only. People fall in and out of love and change partners like changing clothes. Cheating on ones partner is hardly news. 

Just yesterday, news broke about Kirsten Steward's infidelity and Robert Pattinson moving out. Anyways, I think it's between the two of them and we do not know all the facts. Besides, to err is human.

Nevertheless, I think, it will BE news if Hollywood couples can survive their first and only healthy, happy marriage that was meant to be 'until death do us apart'.

That being said, my life view used to be black and white. Cheating is wrong, no excuses. Now, I still say that cheating is wrong but I have come to realise that it often happens for a reason, if not many. 

An unhappy and unfulfilled relationship is usually the cause. But like I've said in pasts posts, people engage in promiscuity just 'cos they can and because it gives them excitement. With modern times and the many opportunities available, instead of working things out, we take the easy way out, by cheating or breaking up.

To get good returns, we must invest. To have a good career, we must invest in good education. And just like everything else in life, to have good relationship, we need to work hard. We need to invest time, effort, understanding and lots of patience.

And it never gets easier. It's constant hard work. Anything good usually requires hard, honest work. It is true that sometimes, we do fall in love with someone who isn't necessarily right for us. And at times, we end up with someone who isn't our one true love (if you believe in all that jazz) but it doesn't mean the relationship can't work out.

It only means that both parties need to decide if the other is worth the effort. I can't say it any plainer than the next image below.

Last week of Lent

More than a month ago, end of February, I decided to give up two things during the period of Lent which I blogged about HERE; tea and Facebook. How did I fare in the past month? To be honest, I am ashame to say it outloud but I will tell the truth and shame the devil, I wasn't 100% committed. 

I had my good days and my off days On my good days, I managed not to scratch the itch to log on to Facebook. On the off days, which is almost at least once a week, I succumbed to my weakness and logged in for a few minutes only to take hold of myself, and force my fingers to click the 'x' button at the top right corner of my screen.

And I'd get pretty upset with myself for my weakness and ill discipline.

As the weeks passed, it was actually easier not to even think about Facebook. I realised I think of logging on whenever a friend comes to mind and I wondered how they were doing or whenever I took a good photo and wanted to upload it to my photo album. 

On more occasions than one, whenever I am waiting for someone or felt bored and restless, that was when the urge to tap on 'Facebook' via my handphone was compelling.

In regards to my milk tea fasting, I was pretty faithful which is really good as I usually have at least one to two cups daily. However, since my in-laws came, I somehow lost the plot, gave in and drank tea almost every day. 

It was as if I gave up. Maybe in a way I did. I felt that despite my intentions at the start of Lent, I hardly prayed nor meditate on His word. And just by 'fasting' which wasn't even sincere since I didn't kept to it 100%, it didn't feel right. Somehow, it felt like I had mucked things up and my fasting lost all meaning.

In the end (following from my Ash Wednesday blog post) sadly, I was hooked watching series. Hence, I slept late watching them. Woke up late in the afternoon only to continue watching till Mr. C came back from work. The many series that I was engrossed with were entertaining, gripping and well, a complete waste of time. 

I realised, too late, that perhaps, I should have fasted off all social networks, movies AND series. Maybe then, I would have managed my time better. I had wanted to do so many things but ended up achieving none.

I may not have been 100% faithful to God in the past month but I need to pull myself together (despite my approaching PMS time again), time is lost and cannot be regained, however, what I do next is what counts. I can't change what I've done in the past but I can choose my path to take in the future.

And although Easter Sunday is in a couple of days time and I get to officially go back to my Facebook and tea regime, I think I need to rethink all of this and decide a game plan what to do moving forward.

Please be kind in your thoughts of me and reserve judgement. I know I am flawed and because of this imperfection, I need Him. I realised I am happier and feel life's purposes when I go to church. Not Catholic church thought. 

Time to stop waiting and depending on others and just do what needs to be done. So, objective for the next 2-3 months, to go to church, every single Sunday. I must at least go four weeks straight in a row. 

And I hope to report that I am successful in this endeavour. 

For those who were successful in keeping to your fasting during the Lent period, good on you! And for those who weren't, like me, fret not, but keep your head high and continue forging on doing your best to be a better you. For you and for God. ;)

Now, to prepare our hearts for Good Friday leading up to Easter Sunday.

10 random facts about me

1. Sometimes, I really hate myself.

2. I will never be too old to enjoy cake batter.

3. I wished I could fly; metaphorically and literally.

4. I love blue. Whee....

5. Every episode of 2 Broke Girls never fail to etch a smile on my face.

6. I wished I was taller. Thinner. Or maybe chestier.

7. I can't seem to remember nuts. Hence, understanding nuts.

8. I am my own worst enemy and critic.

9. I never know which to pour my heart, soul and mind into whilst clamouring to do all at once but mastering none.

10. I know it sounds insane but IF I could, I would re-do the whole wedding ceremony and reception again and get it right this time!

Palm Sunday

Today is Palm Sunday. To those who haven't the faintest, it is the Sunday before Easter Sunday. 

Let's put things in the most simplest form to understand. Good Friday is the day Christians reflect on Jesus dying on the cross for all of us where else Easter Sunday is the day we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ as foretold many years before it actually took place.

And no, Easter isn't about Easter eggs nor the famed Easter Bunny. In Australia, even in January, shops were selling chocolate easter eggs and bunnies!

Ok. Back to serious matter. ;p

So, what is this Palm Sunday about besides being the Sunday before Easter Sunday? It is the time where we commemorate Jesus' entry into Jerusalem.

This year, I went to Mr. C's Catholic church, St. Simon's and palms were distributed. Then again, it felt more like the Christmas sort of tree leaves than actual palms. Not to say I really know how palm looks like. ;p We were asked to go back out the entrance where Father Jim sprinkled holy water onto the congregation and then, said a prayer. Shortly after, we walked back into the pews and waved the palms.

I get the waving of palms 'cos that's what the people did in Jerusalem as they welcomed Jesus into their town. And we did just that in memory of that day many years, if not, many hundreds to thousands of years ago. What I didn't get was the sprinkling of holy water. Perhaps, holy water and all is a Catholic church's thing. 

Besides, I still feel like an alien in a Catholic Church. I don't feel like I belong. Mass is very different from the type of services I am accustomed to. Here, it involves lots of standing and sitting in between and mass is for an hour where else in Protestant churches, services last for about 1 to 2 hours. 

Mainly, I just feel upset when I don't get to participate in holy communion. This really disturbs me. In a Protestant church, most of them allow the congregation to partake if they believe and accept Jesus into their lives. In a Catholic church, it would seem that they are more particular, allowing one's participation only if one has been baptised as a Catholic.

It makes me feel like I am in an exclusive club. Not here to criticise or insult the church. Any church as a matter of fact. I am just here to voice my frustrations. Shouldn't it matter that as long as we believe in Jesus and God, we should be allowed to remember the body and blood he sacrificed as we take holy communion? Why must I be a Catholic only to be able to do so?  Just doesn't seem right.

This week, the only highlight for me was the two songs they sang that I knew, "Above All" and "One Way". I really hope that Mr. C and I can settle down happily in a church we BOTH feel comfortable and happy in. But at this point of time, it feels like an impossible feat and a tall order to fill. 

I have to remind myself... have faith that God will lead us to the right one, somehow. I am tired of feeling frustrated. Of wanting to know more of God but yet, not being faithful in my prayers and reading of His word. Of not going to church as regularly as I should. I struggle but I don't know how to get out of this pit.

Life is alright. I shouldn't complain but I know, there's got to be more than this. I have so much to give and so much to learn. I don't want to be just a Christian in name but in every sense it should represent. All's not too late, it's only April, eight more months to forge on. 

We shall see when December comes and hopefully, I won't be stuck in this same spot.