November Life Lessons

1. Not everyone aspires to be nice or likes being nice.

2. Haters will always hate, no matter what.

3. And some people can never be contented nor pleased. They will always have to find something to complain or whinge about.

4. Don't give up, don't lose hope, change takes time.

5. I can't change people, only God can.

6. Every 'not-so-nice' person has something good about them. Maybe you just have to dig deep, deep, deep down. But it's there. Somewhere.

7. Sad truth : people are more selfish and inward thinking these days.

8. Or maybe it is just the people around me. Best not to engage nor input such toxin.

8. Don't react, keep cool and stay calm.

9. Inhale and exhale. Count to 10.

10. Plaster a smile on your face and all will be ok because God's on my side.

Be strong and forge on

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Golden Rules to live by

Since I fail to put how I feel into my own words, I leave you the wise sayings of others that makes a whole lot of sense and essentially says what I think about on a daily basis; things I know I should do with or without, the mindset I should have and do try on my good days.

I reckon most of us knows all these rules we should live by to make our life easier and breathable but once again, human nature is anything but simple. We live and breathe complexity and chaos, and if it doesn't kill us, it makes us stronger. 

It makes us, us.

Golden Rules 

 If you open it, close it.

 If you turn it on, turn it off. 

 If you unlock it, lock it up. 

 If you break it, admit it. 

 If you can’t fix it, call in someone who can. 

 If you borrow it, return it. 

 If you value it, take care of it. 

 If you make a mess, clean it up. 

 If you move it, put it back. 

 If it belongs to someone else and you want to use, get permission. 

 If you don’t know how to operate it, leave it alone. 

 If it’s none of your business, don’t ask questions. 

 If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. 

 If it will brighten someone’s day, say it. 

If it will tarnish someone’s reputation, keep it to yourself. 

~ Author Unknown~

Random ramblings

2011 was a beautiful year in the sense, I really see God working in my life. I felt a change from 2010. I felt improved, renewed and was moving forward. 2012 somehow seems to be lacking. I feel as if nothing has changed. Things haven't changed. 

I know I could be better. I know I can be better. But I am not. Every once in awhile, I need a push, a shove, or some words or act of encouragement. I need motivation. I need to feel inspired. 

My love for photography and blogging seems to have wane for now. I've lost the oomph to take photos, I lost the excitement to blog. Hence, sparse posts this past year. 

Maybe it is because, 2012, I did not make any resolutions. What with the hullabaloo of wedding planning and the ceremony last year, I didn't managed to sit and reflect on 2011 and plan for 2012. I keep saying I will and I kept putting it off.

Look at us now. It's August. 2/3 of the year gone. Just like that.

Every time I fall, I pick myself up, eventually. However, I would really give anything not to fall. Because, when I fall, I get hurt, I get injured. I gets scrapes and cuts. And this takes time to heal. Healing process is never speedy. And I am not talking about physical wounds.

Do you ever worry about money? About where you're headed in life? Do you ever doubt yourself? Or wonder if you're doing what you're meant to be doing? Or perhaps, your destiny is still awaiting you to find it?

We all wish and hope for our fairytale story but that's just it, isn't it? Fairy tales and reality don't go hand in hand. Life is full of ups and downs. It can never be up all the time. 

It's about constant struggles and never giving up. It's about always pushing ourselves to be the best that we can be. It's not about making excuses. It's not about blaming others. 

It's about us and all those around us; the choices we have and the decisions we make. To err is human. If we make a mistake or many, it's not the end of the world. Let it be a lesson and learnt from it. 

Next step would be to let go and move forward. Dwelling on the past and things that are no longer in our control is useless and pointless. It's the next step we take that counts and determines our future. 

At the end of the day, we just got to tell ourselves that no matter where we are, who we are and what we do.. everything's gonna be alright. And it will be, it's just a matter of when.

Compassion

Do you have any? 

If you don't, it's time to start cultivating it. 

Everyone needs a little compassion shown to them 

every now and then, 

so do you. :)

Screwed up cakes

Saw this on specials at Coles for AUD2 on Sunday. Yeah, I know. I still use AUD instead of $ or dollars. I guess, in time (maybe 5 or 10 years down the road) when I've fully adapted to living here, I'd refer AUD as $ or dollars. Till then...

As I was saying, Green's Classic Carrot Cake was on specials. Bought it and tried it out. You'd think that with the easy-to-follow-step-by-step instructions provided at the back of the box, the cake will turn out beautifully.

Wrong! I made so many mistakes I wondered where I put my brains the whole time I was in the kitchen making this. Firstly, brainy me decided to make the batter into cupcakes instead of cake . Secondly, I poured more water than required.

I read 1/3 cup of water and poured the measured water into the mixing bowl up to 2/3 cups of water only to realise that I actually measured 2 and 1/3 cups of water in the first place. 

OMG!! *bangs head on the table* 

But what else can I do? So, I bimbo-ly just proceeded on.

After following step 1 and 2, I spooned the mixture into the cupcake paper cups only to realise I forgot to put vegetable oil and butter! *groan*

I scooped all mixture from the 12 cupcake paper cups back into the mixing bowl. Threw the gooey paper cups away and placed new ones into the tray. Poured the oil and butter into the mixing bowl, mixed them and scooped them back into the individual paper cups.

I put the cupcake mix into the oven and hoped for the best. 

Next, I decided to mix the icing provided in the box. As I read the instructionse, to my embarrassment, it hit me that the butter I initially forgot to put in the cupcake mix only later on to mix it in was meant for the icing and NOT the cupcake batter. 

Seriously, how dumb can I be? At that point, I figure the cupcakes are doomed to fail. Looking at the oven and seeing them rise prettily gave me hope. 

 

 

And that is what hope can do... give you a few percentages of feeling that everything is going to be alright and BAM!! It is the end of your world when your hopes are dashed. *drama queen* 

The cupcake looked and smelt alright. Mr. C and I tasted 1 cupcake. He thinks it is edible but I think, THROW THEM IN THE BIN!! Not worth torturing one's (my) tastebuds with such atrocity!

So, 11 cupcakes (with peanut butter icing) sit atop the counter table waiting to be devoured by Mr. C. 

It's end of Tuesday and they're still sitting there, as pretty as you pleased. I reckon come Friday, it'll still be there and I'll just bin it.

Hate doing something that didn't turn out well in the end. I know it doesn't define who I am, nevertheless, I still can't help feeling like I've failed. Or maybe it's just PMS talking.

Well, all was not wrong in Estherville as Mr. C's stew concoction for our Sunday dinner was wonderfully made and tasted delicious. It was a nice, warm tasting comfort food just perfect to rid the wintery cold.

TEN ways to Love

I struggle with #1. #3 isnt' such a problem unless you count over giving as a problem. ;p Definitely need to be more faithful in #4. #7 can be a little bit difficult as I am a pessimist by nature but it is something I've been working out for the past two years. #9 sure is important and not easy to do. Forgiving and letting go, many struggle with this. Mr. C? He struggles with #10. Oh well, that's what I feel. ;p

TEN ways to be happy

I read this on FB the other day and I must say, it is good to be back on FB... and I love reading all these quotes and wise words! Now, time to put them into action!

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1. Accept the things you can't change. If you can and want to change them, do it. This is one tough one for me 'cos I constantly struggle with letting go.

2. Let go of the people who are holding you down. If you considered them, you already know who these people are. Sad isn't it to have to cut one's losses, at times.

3. Blast your favorite upbeat song and sing at the top of your lungs, dancing as you go. Oooh... definitely love doing this one!! In the comfort and privacy of my own home! ;p

4. Go for a run. A nice, long run. Run until you feel good; at the very least, you'll be tired enough that the feelings will seem less major. This one definitely works. We generally feel happier after 'exercising' as happy hormones are released into our system post work out! So, back to running again...

5. Call someone you love, Just hearing their voice can make your day better. More of a texting person than calling although I love talking. Strange isn't it? But God has been bringing friends and family into my life 'cos they seem to be calling me off and on this past week! ;) And yes, after talking to them, my spirits ARE lifted!

6. Smile at a stranger. It will make both of you smile. Haha.. Hope the stranger doesn't think me a strange looney bin for smiling at him/her or coming on to them! Shall endeavour to remember this and do it even when I don't feel like it!

7. Send an anonymous compliment. HOW on earth does on do this?? Ooooh.. got an idea! Post them a card!!

8. Write down everything you don't like about yourself. Rip it up. Burn it. Definitely LOVING this idea and want to do it!! Now, to get busy writing the list... it's going to be a looooong one.

9. Watch your favorite movie. Craps! I don't have a particular favourite one. Do you?! Maybe you can recommend it to me!

10. Realize that you are your own biggest critic. People do not see the faults in yourself that you do. So realize that they are not faults, not imperfections. They make you, you. I definitely am my worst critic as I've said many a times. Now, I know about the above, after all Mr. C is forever trying to convince me that I am fine just the way I am. Question is, how do I embrace it and believe it as so?!

Wake up Wednesday

This is probably true. Have been reverting back to old ways of going back to bed after Mr. C goes to work. Of course, I go back to sleep with his full approval! LOL. But I tell myself I shouldn't. There is just so much I want to do and when I do get a job, I'll have even lesser times to do those things. Then again, it is kind of redundant when I don't do them now, when I have way more time than I'll ever have.

I really dislike it when I am in this mode. This down mode where anything can just bring you down. And all your weaknesses are just magnified. You think that your abilities and your qualifications don't match. It's like a chef excelling in carpentry but suck at cooking. Having to reassess oneself; the lack of confidence, the forgetfulness, the tough judgment on self.

Mr. C has said before that he has never seen anyone so hard on themselves ever. It is true that your worst enemy is your self; if you tell yourself that you can do anything, chances are, you believe it and do anything. But if you belittle yourself, how can others think the world of you when you think you are nothing?

So, the trick to solving any problems is the first step of accepting. With acceptance, accepting you have so and so problem or you need so and so help, the next step is easier, working the problem out. But if you don't accept or think there is a problem to begin with, then, there's nothing to work out despite the problem existing. Us, humans are very good with self-delusion.

Hence, I really do need to love myself more. Sometimes, I think God gave me Mr. C 'cos he really does love me as I am; the good and the bad. He loves me enough, and at times, enough to make up for the lack of love I have in myself. I claim that he is bias and rarely objective when it comes to me as he always regales others about my 'talents', my beauty and only he knows what else. And maybe I need such belief, such faith that I am that good. That I have something.

It's silly how our minds play tricks on ourself.

I want to scream and enjoy the ride. I want to seize the moment and savour every minute of everyday. I know that moping and stressing out is really pointless. But point aside, I still do. I hate being in this down mode and I try to pull myself out of it; sometimes, I succeed, others times, I don't.

Maybe I shouldn't be saying all this here, online, in cyberspace for the whole wide world to see. Who knows? Maybe my future employer will stumble upon this personal space and judge me unfavourably. But so what? I don't believe in writing an untruth in my resume just so to make myself look good. Heck, I might have something good but I won't think to put it in my resume 'cos I think myself that small most times.

We have so many people 'sprucing' up their resumes just to clinch an interview. Many expound their non-existant strengths and abilities just to try and seal the deal of getting the job. I admire their confidence and ability to bull shit on their feet but if I was an employer and get a staff like that who later on can't walk his talk, I'll be rather upset.

Just because people do it, doesn't mean I should. I gather it's really tough to stand on ones ground and hold on to whatever shred of integrity left. White lies are expected to be told 'cos it's the easier road and hey, everyone's doing it and it hurts nobody.

Like how many people would really tell their friends off when they deserve it? Most of the times, we just sugar coat things not wanting to offend or have a confrontation. But sometimes, some things really do need to be told. Problems and misunderstandings need to be hashed out. Is the friendship so fragile that it cannot withstand a telling off or two?

Then again, maybe it's just me and my issue with friendships. I'll walk a mile for a person but often than naught, most people won't. I am not a perfect person and I am not the world's nicest person. So, don't get me wrong. I just feel that if my friends are really friends, then when I am down, upset and worried, I should be able to go to them. I should be able to just blab how I feel and get affirmation or a telling off for being a whiny baby.

Something or anything... so why can't I? Why do I feel alone? That everyone's off to their own rat race, slaying their own dragons in their own world? Why can't we all slay our dragons together, or have each others backs? To shield one another from danger and the fiery breaths from the dragon?

Such a good reminder to have. I really need to write down this good 'quotes' and stick them where I can see them. If I don't have friends to fall back on and I have abysmal memory, I best do the next best thing and put them where I can see them to jog my memory!

If having PMS moments (before and after Aunt Irma's visit) aren't bad enough, I don't need trips down memory lane especially when it leads back to you. 'Cos it leads no where. You can't have a conversation with someone who doesn't appear to be a willing conversationalist. I can't be trying to read your mind and what's going on when all I get is silence. And the silence gets to me.

I am your friend but I have my down times, my moments. And when I have these moments, I don't need this games you play. Maybe you don't realise the spot you put me in, maybe you feel the same as I do. Whatever it is, I don't like you invading my space especially places where you no longer belong.

Right now, I need a friend and it would be nice to have one that just understands me, that'll surprise a smile out of me or something. But you know what? This is an age long situation that I've yet to discover the answer and why it haunts me.

Perhaps, a lesson to be learnt from the Almighty One?

Just because I smile, it doesn't mean I am ok. Pull of the band aid and you'll see I still have the wounds. If not the wounds, then the scars. Tomorrow, I might be feeling better and less sorry for myself.

But today, today is a different story and perhaps what I really needed was a Wake Up Wednesday.

Adieu 2011 and Hello 2012

Just love the view from up above

And I am once again back in Melbourne after a loooong trip to Malaysia. I thought with my hiatus, there would be less, if not, no readers at all. Strangely, according to Nuffnang's tracking, it shows that visitors to my blog have doubled. Of course this makes me a happy camper. Happy that there are people who think my blog is worth reading, worth coming back again and for that, thank you! ;)

December has been a busy month. Mr. C (more of me since that dude of mine barely lift his finger to help) and I can breathe easily. What with our wedding reception finally over. We had tea ceremony, wedding ceremony, wedding luncheon and headed off for our honeymoon the very next day. Came back and spent most of our times between his and my family throughout Christmas and the New Year celebrations! Will definitely blog more about this later on.

There is so much to say about the wedding; the before and after. The honeymoon; before and also the after. Family and friends... somehow, I seem to have lots of stories to tell them and of them. Lol. It's just a matter of deciding what is appropriate to say and what is best left, unsaid.

Sheep wool looking clouds...

Before Mr. C and I left Malaysia, we managed to meet up with a couple of friends and spent many hours having brain stimulating and interesting conversations with my sister! Talking about the past and moving forward, what our plans are and what we hope to achieve for 2012.

Coming back here, to a brand new year. I won't be sitting on my laurels. It's time to join back the work force. I have my concerns but I am learning to put my trust in God that all will be well in His time and at His will. I might get a job that I'll love, that will give meaning but might not pay well. Then again, I might get a job that will pay well but I might have a tough time dealing with the boss or my colleagues or what not.

Always in awe of the clear blue skies we have here.

All I am saying is, whatever it is, I want to commit it to God and trust that He'll be able to give me a job that hopefully pays well and that gives me a sense of purpose and fulfillment to wake up every day, to look forward to and to also be able to be a blessing to others as how I feel blessed this past 2011 despite the many potholes I've had to stumble through.

Besides job hunting, I'll also be busy assisting a friend in her wedding (yea! My first Western wedding), perhaps planning the bridal shower / hen party. Few weeks after that, my friends will be visiting from Malaysia and then comes the family! Before I know it, it'll be time to head back to Malaysia for another friend's wedding!

Pretty bright evening at 8.30pm Melbourne time with 18 degrees Summer!! <3 it!!

First half of 2012 is already filled with plans. Hopefully, I won't lose sight of what's important - my journey of self discovery; who I really am, amongst other matters.

So, HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone and may you have an even better year than 2011 was for you!

Here's to a brand new year, new beginnings, resolutions to fulfill (if you still do them... and if you don't, don't give up on self, just make one or two and strive to achieve those two), decisions to make, things to let go and move one and moments to cherish and to create new ones!

Cheers!!

Did you know...

I read the below from a pamphlet when we bought Pizza from Dominoes many Saturdays ago and thought it was fascinating... sorry that it took me sooo long just to finally get myself to type it out and share it with you guys!

• 11% of people are left-handed
• August has the highest percentage of births
• Unless food is mixed with saliva you can't taste it
• That the average person falls asleep in 7 minutes
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain
• No two corn flakes look the same
• Lemons contain more sugar than strawberries
• 8% of people have an extra rib
• 85% of plant life is found in the ocean
• No words in the English language rhyme with the words angel, angst, breadth, bulb, depth, eighth, month, ninth, orange, purple, scalp or twelfth
• Ralph Lauren's original name was Ralph Lifshitz
• Rabbits like licorice
• The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters
• 'Topolino' is the name for Mickey Mouse in Italy
• A lobsters blood is colourless but when exposed to oxygen it turns blue
• Armadillos have 4 babies at a time and are all the same sex
• Reindeer like bananas!!

10 Ways to Reverse Holiday Weight Gain!!

Just a month ago, it was food binging during Christmas time with all the delicious turkey spread, chocolates and other glorious sumptuous food.

Now, it's Chinese New Year once again and every open house you go to, including your own, will be filled with a variety of food and titbit's such as cookies from pineapple jam tarts to love letters (Kuih Ka Pek) to butter cookies and so on.

But fret not, just because it's the season to eat and celebrate amongst gambling and drinking... it doesn't mean that one should be a glutton and pile on the weights. There are many things one can do that is simple and yet practical to maintain or shed some weight.

Read some of this good pointers at Glamour.com and find it useful enough to share it with you girls and guys who are anxious about potential weight gaining. =p

A summary. Happy reading and putting it into application!

#1 - Don't be so hard on yourself

It's inevitable to gorge oneself silly during holidays especially hanging out with friends and family. And it's ok. Don't start beating up yourself over the lack of exercise coupled by the food binging. Just accept it and move on which brings me to...

#2 -Keep eating

With all the pigging out, constant eating, you might feel that you need to skip meals to lose the 'fats' but I've learnt that skipping meals will only make you feel more hungry and when you get hungry, it is harder to stick to a diet or any healthy eating plan. And when you cave in to your hunger, you're going to be eating more. Perhaps, cut down on carbohydrates such as rice or bread etc and have more protein like meat and also vege is always good!

#3 - Shake your booty!!

Being on holiday, the only exercise you get is probably walking from the couch to the table for more cookies or lifting your fork to your mouth. But with all that food you input, it's good to exercise. It makes you feel healthier, lighter and it also makes you feel more positive and happy somewhat.

Just a small walk with your cousins or friends around the park or take a hike in the morning or evening whilst catching up doesn't make exercise feel like such a bore.

#4 - Put your goals in black and white

It's easier to have a goal, write it down and achieve it. When you write it down, it's easier to focus than to leave the thought swimming in your mind to be done at a later date.

Being specific is important ie. say you want to lose 1kg by end of February. Or lose 5kgs by 1st June. And apparently it's good to keep a logbook on your exercise regime and food intake. It supposedly helps to minimise mindless eating. This however requires discipline. I tend to forget and write only once a week. >_<

#5 - Love your greens!

It is said by my mum and lots of health experts that vegetables are a natural appetite suppressants. I totally see it, after eating yucky greens, one just does not have any appetite for anything else. Bread, on the other hand is supposedyly an appetite stimulant, hence, you'll see it on tables in restaurants. Well, mostly the ang moh ones. =p

#6 - Leftovers are a NO NO!!

Yes, saving leftover food is good and wasting is bad. However, if you keep temptation in the fridge, it's going to be hard to say no when the hunger pangs comes a knocking. Instead, store fruits and veges as snacks.

I used to shudder at the thought of veges as my snacks but I have come to looove salads with onion and tomatoes drenched in some vinaigrette. Simple to make and filling enough for a meal.

#7 - If you fail to plan, you plan to fail

If you plan your meals, it's easier to keep to it. Of course, try to set realistic ones. In fact, sometimes bringing your own meals to work, you save time and money and at the same time, control what you eat.

I had a colleague previously who had some health issues due to stress and improper food intake. Hence, he started bringing home cook food to work. And every once a week, he'll 'reward' himself for eating healthily. This definitely requires LOTS of discipline but when you see the end results - in his case, he lost a fair bit of weight and looked and felt healthier - it's really worth it.

I always bathe and brush my teeth at the same time after dinner. This is to curb my temptation to snack after as I'll be too lazy to brush my teeth again.

#8 - Lots of h2o is good

Apparently, most of the time when we're hungry, we're actually thirsty. Drinking lots of water is good cos it feels your tummy and it also helps to flush out the bad stuff you input.

#9 - Sleeping early is essential

This is a good habit to pick up and takes awhile to cultivate this habit. If you sleep late, you'll realise when the clock strikes a certain time, say maybe 12am or 2am, your tummy will start to growl and you'll need to snack on something. But if you're asleep by then, you won't feel the hunger and hence, cut down on unnecessary food intake.

#10 - Patience is a virtue

We are an instant society these days whereby we want fast results, instant rewards but like in everything else in our lives, things takes time. Only time will tell. And if you've put in the effort as mentioned from #1 to #9, you just have to practice #10 and you WILL see the results.

I say this because since making my resolution or rather things to do for 2011, I've cut down on milk tea to a cup a day, on top of that, I eat half bowl of rice, if not lesser and since coming back, several people have commented that I've lost some weight.

I did. I lost about 2kgs but I think since coming back, I prolly put them back. =( No worries, I'll just continually work on it. Was hoping to go for some hiking etc but will have to be realistic and work on my plans to meet all and sundry before I go back.

2011 really is starting out to be a great year and I have to continually be thankful for that. =)

Note to self

This is in regards to a particular someone... I love you but you really make it hard to these days. My theory is that aliens abducted the real you and replaced you with an irrational, hurtful robot!

Little things to try to remember and hopefully... this CNY will be a pleasant one.

1. Be positive and not let other's negativity bring me down!

2. Keep opinions to self when all rational conversation is OBVIOUSLY not possible. EVER!

3. Stay strong and not cower or back down from my stand.

4. Do whatever that I can- that is within my capabilities and strength.

5. Input anything that is good but NEVER let any negative vibes penetrate!

6. Less venting despite the need to let go and a certain someone making it really hard.

7. Keep reminding self that despite certain people's words and actions, they love me and vice versa.

8. Appreciate the little things in life and the little things people do irregardless of how insignificant it may seem to be.

Edicts on how to live life

Love, like you've never been hurt.

사랑하라, 한번도 상처받지 않은 것처럼

Dance, like nobody is watching you.

춤추라, 아무도 바라보고 있지 않은 것처럼.

Love, like you've never been hurt.

사랑하라, 한번도 상처받지 않은 것처럼.

Sing, like nobody is listening you.

노래하라, 아무도 듣고 있지 않은 것처럼.

Work, like you don't need money.

일하라, 돈이 필요하지 않은 것처럼.

Live, like today is the last day to live.

살라, 오늘이 마지막 날인 것 처럼

Me, myself and I

From the moment we are born, we were given parents. Some parents leave but most of us have parents to watch over us and take care of us. Parents to guide us towards adulthood. However, no one is perfect and everyone is likely to be fallible to some degree and parents are no exception.

Some parents try to live their dreams through their children. Some parents think they know what is best for their children. Of course, when I become a parent one day, I would want the best for my child and primp them up to be the best that they can be or at least, to my definition of what I perceive is the best for them.

Parents often have the best intentions but perhaps, there are times, parents may want the best for us but THEIR definition of best might not exactly be what we need or what is best suited for us. And that is why, after years of sacrifice and being obedient, well, that is how I perceive things whether one may agree with it, I chose to do what I did.

Many would think that it was a rash move. Some said that if they were earning as much as I was, they would never have resigned, up and left. Ultimately, I did it for many reasons and one of them was that, for once, I had to do something for me. For self preservation. For once, I thought of myself and even then, to be honest, I did not make the sole decision just for my sake, I did it for someone else too.

On Saturday, I had a good cry. Not because I wanted to but it was definitely overdue. For me, coming home, I decided family comes first. Yes, even over friends. I forsake a friend in her moment of her need just to be with my family. Was it worth it? Somehow, I felt that perhaps, at that very moment, I should have been there with my friend instead. She probably would have appreciated my effort more.

People say that friends are family you can choose BUT how about, FAMILY are friends you cannot choose. And that how life is. There are friends out there that you never chose. Those friendship just happens.

After all that has been said and done, even coming back with the noblest intention to spend quality time with a certain people, I have discovered that I am only human. I, too can only withstand so much. She may not agree with me. She may feel that I am just enjoying life or whatever else that goes on in her mind these days.

But once again, I have to go on this journey not just for the sake of having fun but more so for self healing. When I do something, I do it out of love. Not because of any ulterior motives. I am too straight forward for that- a direct translation from Chinese way of saying that I am not manipulative. I wished with all my might that I can be cunning and sly but I just can't. Despite my flaws and imperfections, deception isn't something I execute very well.

I can't play the mind games anymore leading me towards needing a break. Time away to recoup. And when I come back, I will be ready once again to take on whatever that is dealt to me.