Power of prayer

My parents came from Buddhist background. Knowing God and Him giving them peace, they gave their lives to Him.They became Christians in their late teens, as they approached adulthood. I, a second generation Christian was brought up with Christian values all my life.

Every Sunday, I'd tag along to church with my family. After the main service, I'd head off to Sunday School happily. In my teens, I'd reluctantly go for the youth meetings till I felt left out and stopped going but I still went for the main service with my family, it wasn't exactly an option and somehow, I never rebelled.

When I met Mr. C in high school, Form 4, to be exact, whilst he was pursuing me, I asked God three times if he was the one for me. And all three times, a lie or a broken promise given by Mr. C would surface. It was either coincidence or it was God's answer to me. You would think that was my answer but instead of saying goodbye to Mr. C, I pushed God away.

Yup. Chose a man, a mere mortal over God. How common is that, right?

On the outward, people always think of me as a Miss Goody-two-shoes or Miss Holy just because I didn't do stuff that they did. I didn't swear. I didn't smoke. I didn't drink. I didn't club. I didn't tell lies or think bad about people.

But after University and through working life, people and circumstances changed my perspective. Things were no longer simple. Nothing was black or white anymore. I gave in to the gray areas and started justifying myself, too. My heart harden and I became jaded and cynical.

Hating my job 24/7 and letting it and everything else in my life eat me up, I gave in to the 'world'- I cave in to my rage, my frustration. It's hard being a Christian with one foot in your Christian calling world and another in the world especially when you, yourself aren't clear which world you belong to. I still went to church. I was physically there but not mentally. Every Sunday was a chore to be dragged up to go to church.

You see, all these while, my faith wasn't mine but my parents. I wanted to make it my own but I just didn't knew how to. That and throw in Mr. C into the equation with me choosing him over God didn't help my already shaky and wavering faith.

I blamed God for playing his cruel jokes on me, for bringing me into the world, for being sadistic by putting me through all the heartache and suffering. I was mad at God and at the world. I was mad but I still talked to Him. I still asked Him why and came May last year, I got tired of regretting everything and started doing something with my life. I asked God what's the point in living, what was the reason of life and started making my own choices, even when some perceived it to be not good ones.

I left my job in October without any other job offers. Some would call it rash and some would even say that it was an irresponsible and a dumb move. I had a hard time with my mother. But I was just desperate to get out and regain whatever of my sanity I had left.

But when I left, I was happy. I got to spend time with my family. Sleep in. Go on family trips.

When I made a decision to resign, although having the knowledge and faith of a primary school Sunday School kid, I somehow believed that there is a God and that this God would provide me a job, whether I'd like the job or not wasn't the point. The point was, I knew He would. That was just some wild belief called faith. I don't know where it came from, it was just that- a belief.

True enough, in less than a month of resigning, I was offered a job at a bank, with my current Assistant Manager position (although it was a different industry which I wasn't familiar with at all and usually, one gets a level down demotion) and they gave in to my request for a pay increment. Besides that, they wanted me to start in December or as soon as possible but I didn't want to give up my vacation just yet, and asked to start in January 2010, to which they said, alright.

Every year, I think the new year will be a better year than before but it usually isn't the case. I made some bad mistakes early in the year and people were hurt. I was hurt again. In April, I left my job to come to Brisbane to be with Mr. C. We didn't have any concrete plan in hand but I, once again, somehow believed that God would see me through it all.

Many wondered at the suddenness of it but I knew that if I didn't do something, then everything would end and I would be travelling on a different road right now. Who knows? It could've been a better one. But I took a different road.

With my blind faith, I flew to Brisbane. Seven months down the road, although I am unemployed and Mr. C only has enough resources for us to last another 2-3 months, I am still here, I have food to eat, clothes to wear, a place to live and I am relatively happy.

Of course, life isn't absolute perfection and it is still an ongoing journey.

I am ashame to admit it but I don't pray everyday as I should. Last Thursday, before I fell asleep, I somehow felt compelled to pray. And I did that. I asked God to show me what plans that he has in store for Mr. C and I, to help us to find a church to settle down in, a church that we can grow and get to know Him more. To bring people into our paths, to give me friends as I get pretty lonesome without my girlfriends. To just show me what's the next step.

You can call it coincidence again but on Friday, when I had lunch with my grandaunt, she questioned Mr. C and I about our walk with God (which is something she hasn't asked the past visits we had with her). I know I had been slacking about church hunting and felt indignant. I was annoyed, thinking who was she to question, lecture me and being all righteous but as she continued 'testing' Mr. C, I realised that it was a wake up call to my prayer- to not be complacent. I may not agree with her high handedness but it was a prod. A push to wake up.

On Sunday, talking to an aunt (A Malaysian that Mr. C got to know through her son who also worked nearby) and she was recounting her journey from New Zealand to Australia and how praying is important. I felt once again that I was being prompted, being reminded to pray. To trust in Him. After that, she introduced an uncle who had some good news for Mr. C about job opportunities in the engineering field.

Like I said, you can say it's pure coincidence but I'd say it's all God. That's the only thing that makes sense actually.

I am not a super religious person or a person who loves God so much or praises Him all the time. If you were my family or close friends, you'd know that. Which is why I wonder why a friend commented yesterday that I am getting more religious, I wonder what on earth that means 'cos I definitely don't go preaching. I hardly ever mention God or anything related to Christianity.

To me, I believe that I should right myself first. As a Christian, we have a higher standard to uphold- something which I haven't been doing. To me, I feel that my life and how I live it will be my testimony. I don't want to be a pot calling the kettle black and be a walking hypocrite, pushing Christianity down people's throats.

Right now, I am trying to undo my bad habits.

Confession, these days, the f-word comes out so easily much to the annoyance of Mr. C. Yeah. Surprise Surprise. I use that word.

Initially, it was a way to express my frustrations. Then, I thought it was funny to say it. Now, it's hard to STOP saying it. Once again, the me, one year before never swore or say or do certain things.

Now, I am on a path of discovery. I want to be able to tell people why I believe in God. Why He is real to me. I want to know who He is and how is the bible, being such an ancient book, still relevant to us. I want this faith to be real and not be just something other people talk about or have misconceptions.

And once again, I have to keep reminding myself, to pray.

To believe in Him, to trust Him and to pray.

The mothership

Mummy dearest, without you, there would be no me.

Without your love, attention and guidance,

plus all the scolding and the nagging,

I wouldn't be where I am today.

I wouldn't have gotten this far,

with my short sightedness.

I wouldn't have lasted that long in my audit job,

nor would I have my degree and CPA to boot!

You always teach me not to follow my feelings blindly,

to not be so emotional and most importantly, to trust in God.

You taught me how to live life,

and how to learn, forgive and let go.

I am sorry for complaining, for whining,

that you didn't understand,

for thinking that you didn't care,

when I was going through was hell.

Sorry for the times when I rebel,

When I choose to do things my way

but know that,

your teachings and words of wisdom,

I hold them closely to my heart.

And for all the smacks and spanks,

I appreciate and thank you,

For all the tears and heartache I've caused,

I am sorry.

Today is yet another day that I have you,

Another day I get to acknowledge,

all that you've sacrificed

and done for me.

I love you mummy dearest,

from the bottom of my heart.

Happy Birthday

and may it be as special as you are.

I see it now

I am thankful for a family.
Even if at times, appear dysfunctional. Then again, aren't we all? =p

Thankful for quirky friends, crazy friends, just-there-for-you friends, hang out friends.
Even if they take you forgranted, never-there-for-you-at-times and break your heart.

Thankful for newly acquainted friends.
Even if it means saying goodbye to old ones.

Thankful for a job.
Despite the dread and misery I go through everyday.

Thankful for a car to ferry me about.
Even if it means braving through KL jams and encountering asshole drivers 24/7.

Thankful for new found plurk friends.
Even if there are its shares of dramas.

Thankful for the mistakes that put things in perspective.
Even if it meant giving something or someone up... although I would rather it never happened.

Thankful for painful experiences to learn from.
Even if it meant hurting others and myself in the process.

Thankful for those bittersweet memories and the unanswered questions.
Although a fool, at least, it helped me to move on.

Gentle reminder

I have so many things I want to blog about that I have yet to.

Some of them are just sitting idly under draft...

- Cousin's birthday at Murni Discovery @ Aman Suria
- Outing to Sg Wang on Federal Territory day
- Stupid policemen @ SS2 bomba who was obviously trying to intimidate me to pay bribe when I didn't commit any crime
- My wonderful job that is sapping my chirpiness away
- Fellow plurkers who's been supportive & probably knows more of what's going on in my life
- My awesome mother who wanted to impose a 12am curfew on me & take away my laptop
- More on asshole drivers and how I am probably downgrading myself to be one

and the list just goes on.

Perhaps, I'll write them all during CNY. So much plans for CNY. Watch my series, read several novels, tify up my finances, settle car renewal of road tax and insurance and the list just goes on.

I really hope CNY is going to be good. Maybe not super swell but at least enjoyable. Unfortunately, I'll be bringing my stupid Securities Comission (SC) guidelines and Listing requirements to read up. *groan*

Definitely looking forward to NON-work days. My colleague, AN today asked me why I kept smiling and grinning. And if you know me since I started working, I am lifeless and dull at work and sometimes, after work, too! I said,"cos tmr is Thursday and I am on leave on Friday!".

Of course happy to the max. Words can't describe the immense giddy happiness. Sounds so dramatic but I really don't enjoy my current work. Not so the workload. I've to be at least a tad thanful that I am no longer in audit.

My audit friends sounds like they're really suffering with unrealistic expectations from upper management. If I was still in audit, I'll be working til 12-3am plus. Now, I get to go home about 6ish-7ish. So far, that is.

And for that, I am thankful. =)

Thankful Thursdays #4 Friends

Pic taken from HERE.

Being thankful every Thursdays is turning out to be harder than I thought.

Today, I just want to say that I am THANKFUL for friends. Not just any friends but mainly to the 2 friends who have been there for me through this past years especially with my bf's absence- Gill and JS. Your friendship really means a lot to me.

Friends are very important in one's life. And people say that FRIENDS are family that we get to choose. It is true to a certain sense. Cos if you don't like a friend, it's easier to walk away and severe all ties. You just move on to the next new found friend. It's easier.

However, when it comes to family, you usually have an invisible-can't-be-seen connection that ties you despite what you think and feel. And even if you choose to walk away or stay distant, whether you like it or not, the connection is still there that binds you.

In my almost 25 years of life on planet earth, I've had my share of friends. Various types and ALL types.

The hi-bye friends. The friends who mostly crave attention or talk about themselves and their problems frequently. The friends that come to you only when they seem to have no one else. The friends that you thought you both had LOTs in common but somehow you realised that you're always the first to initiate things and maybe, just maybe the friendship feelings aren't mutual. The friends who are there for you but for a short spell. The friends that will really go far for you but others tend to take advantage! The friends that you may not keep in touch with but when you DO meet up, it's as if you've never parted!

I realised that I seem to have seasonal friends. What on earth can that possible mean???!!

Well, when I was in primary school, I remembered being close to a friend in Standard 4 and then a different one in standard 5 and yet a different one in standard 6! I even went to PD with the standard 6 one!! But now, where have they all gone??

Then came secondary school, as each year passed, I seem to have different close pals only for that year. I look at facebook and blogs etc and it appears that most people seem to have a group of friends they hang out with from high school or Uni. So, what happenned? Is it me or perhaps, it's just my temperament that lands me in this predicament?

I am the kind of person who would go all out for a friend but nowadays, I try not to put myself out there so much. Cos sometimes you try so hard but it just blows up in your face and your efforts are for naught. I tell myself to just give what I can and not expect anything. If the friendship isn't reciprocated, then just move on. After all, there are billion other people on the earth!!

So, for those who are selfish and only think-of-yourself kind of friends, please, don't go ruining your nice friend's feelings! Take time to appreciate them. And don't wait til you lose them to only appreciate them. By then, it just very well might be too late!

This thankful post is for you, Gill and JS.

I did an individual thankful post to Gill in September and since JS is a private person, I'll just say a general thankful-for-your-friendship post! *hehe* See.. so thoughtful, right? SO, stop bullying me!!!

Cheers and to many more crazy, wacko moments in our friendship!!

You're both going to be my future bridesmaids!!!

Thankful Thursdays #3 End of burnt brain cells

Pic taken from HERE.

You know how people always say, "Go early for your exams"?? Well, don't listen to them. Go in time for your exam 'cos if you go early like me, you'll hear people discussing certain things and some people reading intensely or others will their multiple tabs all over their file.. and this.will.freak.you.out!

Anyhow, during reading time, when I first browsed through the questions, I was quite happy to know how to answer Question 1 & 2 rather confidently. However, Question 3 and 4 was a different story altogether.

In total, there is Part A: 16 MCQs (Multiple-Choice-Questions) which is your typical objective question and Part B: 4 essay writing questions. And you only have 3 hours to complete the whole freaking exam.

So, learning from past mistake, I allocated only 30minutes for each of the non-MCQs question. And from 2.30pm onwards to 4pm, my hand was vigorously in action, writing word after word amidst the hand cramps. With the rush to keep to time, my handwriting was really bad! Really bad. At times, illegible! I even put a ps: at the end of the 4th question apologising for my disgustingly horrendous handwriting!

Completing Question 1 & 2 boosted my confidence. However, reaching Question 3, I was stumped a little but just wrote away. Question 4 was a real joy killer. For 8 marks for each sub parts, how on earth to write so much to score those points? Ish. Probably only scored 2-5marks out of 16marks!

Anyway, all I can say now is THANK GOD my exam is over. And I hope that it is OVER for GOOD. I was aiming for a distinction but after disgusting question no.4... a pass or credit would suffice.

Thankful Thursdays #2 Colleagues

Main Entry: Thankful
Part of Speech: Adjective
Definition: Appreciative
Synonyms: Beholden, content, contented, grateful, gratified, indebted, much obliged, obliged, overwhelmed, pleased, relieved, satisfied
Antonyms: Critical, thankless, unappreciative, ungrateful, unthankful

Taken from HERE.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I realised that I never did continue my Thankful Thursdays after that first Thankful Thursday post. And hence, here I am, attempting Thankful Thursdays with this second post.

When a colleague bids farewell to the firm, the other colleagues would pool their funds together to get a gift for the departing colleague may it be a watch, perfume, really expensive set of branded working attire etc. And for my farewell gift, my colleagues were just as giving and generous only they decided to get me something that I wanted.

Guess what they bought for me???

Guitar to play Guitar Heroes on my PS2!!

Red and blue.

They didn't just buy one guitar... they bought two!! A red one and a blue one- my favorite colour!!

I saw the price tag on both the box and it says RM299 for each!! That would mean RM600 for both guitars! OMG. I really hope that's not the price they paid for it! I know it's wireless but I don't think it's this expensive right?

My brother said that it shows my colleagues love me. Whee...

And here I was doubting their love with the tiny farewell card they gave me! WAHAHAHA.. kidding!!

Look at what one of my smart colleague wrote on my farewell card.

30+ farewell messages!!

So, basically what I am trying to say is THANK YOU GUYS for the dinner and the present and most importantly, the 3 years and 9 months memories of the good and the bad that you guys gave me throughout my slavery tenure at the firm.

THANK YOU GUYS!!
(half had already left for home.. lousy peeps *hehe*)

Hope you really do stay in touch! and all the best for the upcoming peak!! Stay Strong.

Thankful Thursdays #1 Gill

You know how friends come and go in our lives?

As we progress in life, as we grow up to be young, mature adults to old, senile and cranky folks, we meet many people from ALL walks of life. We have friends from our primary school, from our high school up til college, university and even at the work place and through other social activities.

Some friendships last a lifetime. Some, a short span. Some, albeit short, can still be meaningful and touches the very core of our life. Some friends, you just clicked instantaneously. Some, you're there as a friend even if sometimes you feel used or you feel that the courtesy is not returned in kind. After all, that's what friends are for, right?

A friend in need, is a friend in deed.

We get friends who go the extra mile, friends who are there for you through thick and thin and even friends who pisses you off and annoy the crap out of you and yet you still have moments together.

For me, I just want to thank this very, very good friend....

- for helping me to take lecture notes when I skipped classes.

- for being there for me when my bf left for studies abroad.

- for being the very first to surprise me with a cake!! or rather a slice of cake on my birthday in 2006 whilst I was burning the midnight oil for my CPA studies.

- for being my yam cha buddy and my shopping kaki throughout these couple of years.

- for being my ranting buddy about work, friends, people and everything in general.

- for being my badminton kaki.

- for helping me pull myself out of my depression (even if she may not have known it) through our hanging out sessions.

- for just taking me out when I am down, upset, emotional.

I would say that it was a blessing in disguise that we never joined the others to go to Curtin, Perth to further our studies. If we had gone or if I had gone or if you had gone, I would never have HAD this opportunity to hang out with you and get to know you better!

You, who have come to mean a lot to me. Thanks for being there and for being my friend.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!

OMG!! OMG!!

I hate it when i've typed super LONG or meaningful posts and POOF... it's ALL gone!

So pekcik!! Pissed!!

Sigh. Basically, the main gist was HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!

Dear mummy,

Thank you for being a nurse, chauffeur, teacher, chef, discplinarian all these years and most importantly.. thank you for being a saint, patiently putting up with all my tempers and tantrums! Despite all the frustrations and misgivings, I LOVE YOU and trully appreciate everything that you've done although sometimes it may not be translated in my words or actions. Thank you.

Love, your youngest.