Friday, February 19, 2010

A blurry me

It's never easy to blog honestly. To really talk about one's journey in life only to be scrutinised and criticised or judged by others especially if one is a famous person. Then again, who am I kidding? I am just an ordinary person. A plain jane. Another human to walk this planet earth.

But whatever it is, it's always been an outlet to express myself despite being drummed into me that one has to be careful what one says or think or act and you know what? After awhile, it gets really tiring.

It gets really tiring to always having to be in control of oneself. One's emotions. One's behavior. One's thoughts and the list just goes on.

I used to really blog about how I feel. What I go through and perhaps not exactly what's going on but at least, I was true to my own feelings. I knew myself. These days, everything is kind of a blur. I don't know what exactly am I feeling nor what do I really want and it stinks. Even my blogging is a jumble of mess.

What used to be black now seems white or gray. What used to be wrong, now doesn't seem so.

It really stinks not knowing.

But all I know is that I need to do something about it. And fast. I can't keep kidding myself or cajoling myself anymore that all will be well or things will just fall in its place.

When you let go of that control, just even for that one time, it changes everything.

It changes everything.

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