2012 Pics #10 You drive me nuts!

Friday Facebook Failure

I've been wanting to take a break from Facebook for the longest time ever. In 2011 when many were on hiatus from Facebook as part of their 'fasting' for Lent, I had thoughts of doing the same as well.

But that was it. Just thoughts and NO actions.

Off late, I know I've been FBing even more. Even my sister's intern noticed my increased activity. Perhaps it's a feeble attempt at trying to stay connected with friends back home and those all around the world. Funnily enough, I am doing most of the connecting part and not my friends.

FB does connect one to distant relatives and long lost friends, allowing one the option of blossoming and strengthening relationship. Besides knowing more about my family and friend's life through their updates and news feed, I also gain access to many Wedding related vendors especially photographers and videographers. Their work constantly inspires and amazes me. The creativity behind the photos and videos; the thought and effort put in, sometimes astounds me.

How does one come up with such amazing concepts and arrangements? Where does the idea and inspiration originate from? Which leads to me reflecting back on my very own wedding and what it lacked.

I forgot to give our 'Thank You' speech. My flowers were not as beautiful and as amazing as I expected it to be. Our tea ceremony was somewhat disorganised IMHO. I've mentioned a bit of my post wedding blues that I've yet to blogged about in details.

Crikey! You must be thinking... more whiny posts of what went wrong??! Lols. I'll solve your problem for you, just click the 'X' button at the top right corner and PROBLEM SOLVED! ;p Definitely a worthy post for the future, and perhaps, it'll be beneficial to future brides from repeating my mistakes or oversight. Bleh.

Anyways, back to Facebook. See, I've the attention span of a gnat and my ability to ramble and digress off topic never ceases to amaze me. I think FB surfing does not go well with my emotional wellbeing. Something riggered the emotional dam, it burst and I was overwhelmed leading my decision to go off FB for a week.

I wanted to start on Monday allowing me some time to slowly wean off FB. But I figured if I procrastinate, I might change my mind. So much for my bravado, today, I've clicked 'Facebook' like four times in total. After 5 minutes of quick surfing, I'd quickly close the browser.

Hence, this post and title; my plan to stay off FB for a week FAILED big time!

But I am not giving up. Perhaps, tomorrow, I'll log in two times. Then on Sunday, once. And who knows, from Monday till the following Monday, I'll actually be able to stay off FB!

NOTE: Found it ironic that The Star (a newspaper back in Malaysia) had several articles on Facebook addiction and how some really take the addiction to a whole new level with bosses facing problems when their workers waste time on FB during working hours just the day after I decided to take a break! How uncanny.

Despite that, today wasn't all bad. Mr. C was super sweet and let me sleep in today, absolving me from breakfast making duties. Lol. I tidied the rooms, made the bed for my aunt's impending arrival tomorrow, drove out to the Kmart in Stud Park Shopping Centre for a little walk and to test that my uncle's car was in tip top condition, which it seems to be!

Besides that, I just baked some Sugi aka Semolina cakes earlier in the evening. One for my neighbours, another for my younger uncle whom I'll visit this weekend and the last, for Mr. C and I and anyone else at home. Mr. C lend a hand and really loved using the blender to mix the ingredients, reminding me of myself when I was an eager child watching my mummy when she did her baking.

Guess that's all for tonight... now, for the email updates to our families back home.

Ps: Does it count as FBing if I 'like' links at blogs whereby the posts is connected back to FB and appears on my FB wall when I share the 'liked' article/post??

Thinking Thursday

Last night, I went to bed with tears sliding off the side of my eyes seeping into the pillow. This morning, to Mr. C's horror, I started tearing at the breakfast table. He asked what the matter was wrong with me. I think it's the pressure of finding a job. Any job. The right job. The job that will pay well and most importantly, I'll enjoy and excel in.

No easy feat, I tell you. Just reading job descriptions put me off job search. Oh well. That's the fun part of being an adult right? RESPONSIBILITIES and what not. I have to think of my future children and also my parents when they get older. It's going to cost a fair bit of money.

If not for money, I wouldn't be going back to work. If I had money, there's so much I want to do with it. Start a home for the elderly and the young... a cafe or an eatery with a stage for live performances; poem reading, monologue, basically for budding artistes to showcase their talent or just a platform to voice their thoughts. The list goes on. I am sure many of you have said dreams and plans to open your own business but currently hampered by the lack of capital.

Reality checks in, and boy does it suck big time!

Anyhow, Sal called and I chatted with Mun2, too. Felt better after. Perhaps, it'll get better from here on. Thanks God. I went to bed in tears and a prayer to God asking Him to help me make sense of sad me and to help me turn a sad day into a good day. And He helped.

Last week, was at EB Games and saw the above and the below. Let's just say, boys will always be boys. Even when they grow facial and body hairs, don on a suit and a tie to work, they'll always be a boy at heart, somehow.

And I think guys got it right somehow. Keep their life simple and they are pretty much easily contented and happy. I think, it's usually the missus that complicates their life. LOLs. Our landlord told Mr. C to make sure that I was okay with the house when we first moved in last year. He said that if I, the lady of the house was happy, then there will be no problem for the man. And it really is true.

Can't wait to go to Knox Shopping Centre later to trade in my Dance Central for The Black Eyed Peas Experience! Hopefully, I can still get it at the cheaper price. Otherwise, I'll have to forgo getting it today. ;(

Note : I think it is awesome how I can transfer songs from my Dance Central to Dance Central 2! And hence, allowing me to trade it in for The Black Eyed Peas Experience!

See, this is why I need to get a job. To be able to enjoy little pleasures in life such as this and my sweeties and chocolates, my sticky date puddings and oooh... accesories, clothes, bags, shoes and presents for people!!!

Poor Mr. C. Every time we go out, I see things I would LOVE to buy for people; friends and family. He'd rather I buy things for myself to make myself happy then always splurging on others especially if others might not always appreciate such gestures.

My sister says I need to love myself but I don't know how to. And to go back to the root of the question,"why don't I love myself?". I am not ugly and I admit, I am not stupid. But neither am I pretty hot nor super smart. Wonder if others go through such battles with self. I guess everyone does but a different kind from mine.

So, 2012... a journey of self discovery. Now, how to go about doing that?

Wake up Wednesday

This is probably true. Have been reverting back to old ways of going back to bed after Mr. C goes to work. Of course, I go back to sleep with his full approval! LOL. But I tell myself I shouldn't. There is just so much I want to do and when I do get a job, I'll have even lesser times to do those things. Then again, it is kind of redundant when I don't do them now, when I have way more time than I'll ever have.

I really dislike it when I am in this mode. This down mode where anything can just bring you down. And all your weaknesses are just magnified. You think that your abilities and your qualifications don't match. It's like a chef excelling in carpentry but suck at cooking. Having to reassess oneself; the lack of confidence, the forgetfulness, the tough judgment on self.

Mr. C has said before that he has never seen anyone so hard on themselves ever. It is true that your worst enemy is your self; if you tell yourself that you can do anything, chances are, you believe it and do anything. But if you belittle yourself, how can others think the world of you when you think you are nothing?

So, the trick to solving any problems is the first step of accepting. With acceptance, accepting you have so and so problem or you need so and so help, the next step is easier, working the problem out. But if you don't accept or think there is a problem to begin with, then, there's nothing to work out despite the problem existing. Us, humans are very good with self-delusion.

Hence, I really do need to love myself more. Sometimes, I think God gave me Mr. C 'cos he really does love me as I am; the good and the bad. He loves me enough, and at times, enough to make up for the lack of love I have in myself. I claim that he is bias and rarely objective when it comes to me as he always regales others about my 'talents', my beauty and only he knows what else. And maybe I need such belief, such faith that I am that good. That I have something.

It's silly how our minds play tricks on ourself.

I want to scream and enjoy the ride. I want to seize the moment and savour every minute of everyday. I know that moping and stressing out is really pointless. But point aside, I still do. I hate being in this down mode and I try to pull myself out of it; sometimes, I succeed, others times, I don't.

Maybe I shouldn't be saying all this here, online, in cyberspace for the whole wide world to see. Who knows? Maybe my future employer will stumble upon this personal space and judge me unfavourably. But so what? I don't believe in writing an untruth in my resume just so to make myself look good. Heck, I might have something good but I won't think to put it in my resume 'cos I think myself that small most times.

We have so many people 'sprucing' up their resumes just to clinch an interview. Many expound their non-existant strengths and abilities just to try and seal the deal of getting the job. I admire their confidence and ability to bull shit on their feet but if I was an employer and get a staff like that who later on can't walk his talk, I'll be rather upset.

Just because people do it, doesn't mean I should. I gather it's really tough to stand on ones ground and hold on to whatever shred of integrity left. White lies are expected to be told 'cos it's the easier road and hey, everyone's doing it and it hurts nobody.

Like how many people would really tell their friends off when they deserve it? Most of the times, we just sugar coat things not wanting to offend or have a confrontation. But sometimes, some things really do need to be told. Problems and misunderstandings need to be hashed out. Is the friendship so fragile that it cannot withstand a telling off or two?

Then again, maybe it's just me and my issue with friendships. I'll walk a mile for a person but often than naught, most people won't. I am not a perfect person and I am not the world's nicest person. So, don't get me wrong. I just feel that if my friends are really friends, then when I am down, upset and worried, I should be able to go to them. I should be able to just blab how I feel and get affirmation or a telling off for being a whiny baby.

Something or anything... so why can't I? Why do I feel alone? That everyone's off to their own rat race, slaying their own dragons in their own world? Why can't we all slay our dragons together, or have each others backs? To shield one another from danger and the fiery breaths from the dragon?

Such a good reminder to have. I really need to write down this good 'quotes' and stick them where I can see them. If I don't have friends to fall back on and I have abysmal memory, I best do the next best thing and put them where I can see them to jog my memory!

If having PMS moments (before and after Aunt Irma's visit) aren't bad enough, I don't need trips down memory lane especially when it leads back to you. 'Cos it leads no where. You can't have a conversation with someone who doesn't appear to be a willing conversationalist. I can't be trying to read your mind and what's going on when all I get is silence. And the silence gets to me.

I am your friend but I have my down times, my moments. And when I have these moments, I don't need this games you play. Maybe you don't realise the spot you put me in, maybe you feel the same as I do. Whatever it is, I don't like you invading my space especially places where you no longer belong.

Right now, I need a friend and it would be nice to have one that just understands me, that'll surprise a smile out of me or something. But you know what? This is an age long situation that I've yet to discover the answer and why it haunts me.

Perhaps, a lesson to be learnt from the Almighty One?

Just because I smile, it doesn't mean I am ok. Pull of the band aid and you'll see I still have the wounds. If not the wounds, then the scars. Tomorrow, I might be feeling better and less sorry for myself.

But today, today is a different story and perhaps what I really needed was a Wake Up Wednesday.

Hot Monday

It's a hot day. This morning, the temperature in my living room was 25 degrees Celsius and now, it's gone up to 29. As I sit tinkering away on my laptop on a desk at the corner behind the family TV room, I can feel the heat evading into the family TV room.

Behind the wall where I am facing is the backyard overlooking the lake where else behind the wall on my right is the courtyard. This morning, the sun was shining from opposite me, now, it shines brightly through the sliding door leading into the courtyard on my right.

Finally, summer is here. Of course, it is not as hot as Malaysia but it was cold a few days back. I was whining then but now that it's hot, I hate it. Given a choice of cold over hot, give me cool breeze, strong winds and what not. As.long.as.I.am.not.hot!

The job hunt begins. Urgh! I dreamt of you, yet again. Urgh! Your silence annoys me. Double Urgh! But I'll not let you mean more than you should. Realised I lost one side of my pearl earrings. Expiry date of a voucher I bought slipped my mind to only hit me in the head today that it was due yesterday. BORDERDASH!

That's pretty much it for today. Hence, I'll just put a post of my Saturday in pictures.

#1 Finally paid a visit to Prahran Market along Commercial Road.

#2 Nothing much happening actually...

and it would seem Melbourne's brimming with massage parlours.

Every mall I go to has at least one of them!

Knox, Chadstone and it would seem, even Prahran Market!

#3 Deco or for use? Hmmm.. Has a regio and all... though an expired one at that!

#4 Yea! I look decent here and you can't see the gross blitz on my face!

#5 "All by myself... don't wanna be..." Poor lonesome doggie...

#6 There's just something about pavements

#7 and side roads...

#8 Beautifully tasting Mocha at LA LUCCIOLA

#9 Apple and raspberry crumble AUD10

#10 Nice hang out area Miss Lawyer spotted the last time we were here

#11 Swish and Cocktail (several shops down) HAS the prettiest gowns ever!

#12 The dress looks shapeless and horrendous in real life but I somehow made it look nice here

#13 Lol. For Miss Lawyer's Hens Night.. entertaining or weird?!

The day the blues started

I was doing perfectly fine since we got back. I cleaned the house, washed our clothes, folded, ironed and put them away. I threw out brochures that were irrelevant and what not. I was alright.

But on Tuesday, as I waited for Sal to come over with her sister, I was on the laptop checking mails and what not. That is when a sudden melancholy washed over me. Strange but I can remember it clearly. That was when I suddenly felt down. One moment before that, all was fine in Estherville. Next moment, my world was pouring cats and dogs with thunders and lightning.

Aaah... such is the mystery of a female psyche. Even I don't understand myself at times! Lol.

So, it was a really good thing that I was out that day. Went swimming with Sal and her siser at a pool in Cheltenham. Cost me AUD5.90 and boy was the bleach stench overwhelming. From the moment the sliding doors at the main entrance greeted us, my nose was assaulted by the smell of chlorine. Lucky Mr. C for not being around as he usually can't stand such smell.

The toilet, changing and shower room was tidy and functional. Pretty impressed. Lol. And for those who are comfortable with their bare skin can go au naturel, if they like. We only swam for about an hour or so, although it felt shorter. Unfortunately for us, there were no good looking blokes nor sexy ladies. ;p I guess this group of people go to the beach to flaunt their abs and sexy bodies.

It was strange swimming 'cos the pool was divided into lanes. The kind you watch on tivo when there's a swimming competition. Each lane is divided in categories such as 'slow lane' , 'medium lane' , 'fast lane' and even 'recreation lane'! Hence, 2-3 people would have to share a lane. How to swim like that la?? Anyhow, we managed.

I don't know about you but when I swim, I ALWAYS work up an appetite. Even if I swim at a leisurely pace. We headed to Tokyo Deli in Elsternwick. Everytime Sal and I hang out, this is the place we go to appease our bellies.

The pork patty don she and her sister had. Her sister LOVED LOVED it! She loved it so much she wanted to take away a few sets much to Sal's amusement and horror. Sal managed to dissuade her though.

Everytime I make an effort to retain the names of food in my memory, I believe that I'll remember it when it comes to sitting down and blogging about the dish. But once again, my memory fails me. Bugger! And people who think Bugger is a swear word needs to get a life. Isn't a bugger someone who likes to bug? ;p

I decided to be 'adventurous' today and try something different form my usual Beef Terriyaki Don that is oh-so-delicious-my-mouth-waters-just-thinking-about-it! BIG mistake and once again, this is WHY I dislike trying new dishes especially when I know what food I like at that eatery.

Digressing... it's like that one time Miss Bubbly and I decided to be bold and brave at Cha Time. She had some Caramel milk tea whilst I gave English Milk Tea a go. Needless to say, BIG MISTAKE! Just stick to Original Pearl Milk tea always!! If I had to change anything, I'd just add additional pudding topping! Dang! Talking about BBT (bubbletea for the ignorant) makes me crave for a cup of it! ;(

Back to my point, the Tonkatsu Don was just average. The fried part was a bit too thick and the rice was dry ish due to the lack of gravy. And I don't like my rice to be dry. Right. I know rice is a non-wet dish but what I am trying to say is that I usually like to have soup or gravy accompany my rice, easier to swallow. Weirdo me. Whatever. That's just me.

Lesson learnt for the next visit. Stick to safe, awesome tasting Beef Terriyaki Don.

AVIV CAKES & BAGELS

We finished our lunch and hurried a few shops down to Aviv Cakes & Bagels gleefully. It was full house that day! Despite that, after several minutes of wait, Sal managed to secure a table for herself, me and her sister!

Sal and her sister shared the above cake and a vanilla slice. I was feeling greedy and perhaps Miss PMS was kicking in, I told Sal that I wanted a Vanilla Slice all to myself for that day. We usually share. So, my wanting a piece all to myself is a one off thing. Then again, it was SO good and yum that I just might have my own slice the next time I head there.

This delectable pastry is really a taste of heaven. Of course not literally but figuratively speaking! The top crust is crisp and yet not soggy soft despite sandwiching custard cream in between. Dusted on top is icing sugar. Somehow, the combination is just perfect!

It looks sinful and super sweet but it isn't actually! Sal isn't one for very sweet food. Even her sister was the same and was quite hesitant to try out the Vanilla Slice. I told her to just give it a go and she won't regret it! True enough, after a bite, she wanted to devour it and definitely preferred it over the strawberry cake in the above picture.

Vanilla slice elsewhere doesn't taste this superb. Trust me. I know. So, if you're ever around Elsternwick, more specifically Glen Huntley Road... check out this shop! ;)

The above pictures is meringue that looks like white poo! Apparently, this is quite popular with the children and makes an appearance around Christmas and New Year season. It doesn't really look appetising to me but I reckon the kids get sugar rush off this since its generally made of sugar and egg white!

After our fiesta about half past three o'clock, we made our way back to Sal's house in Bentleigh. We hung around and chatted for a bit whilst waiting for Mr. C to finished work and join us. Was rather tired out after the hearty meal and decadent dessert and almost nodded off.

Soon enough, Mr. C arrived, hang around for a bit more chatting and then, we left for dinner. Gosh. These people really couldn't decide where and what to eat. We headed to Momoco in Elsterwick only for Jules to mention he didn't fancy Jap food that day. Mr. C and I didn't fancy Chinese since we just got back from Malaysia.

We went to Salute at a RSL eatery but walked out after perusing the pricey menu much to Sal's younger sister's embarrassment. I told her that I guess 'cos we're older, confident and have lesser need for approval, we aren't ashame to walk out of an eatery when the food and pricing just doesn't agree with us. LOL.

Anyhow, we settled for Limors at Caulfield. The place was huge and every table seated with people! We were fortunate to get a seating without prior reservations. Apparently, the food here is really good and hence, my expectations were raised.

We had the something Combo. Told you I am terrible with remembering dishes names. ;( Basically, it's ribs with chicken and lamb on skewers. There was a debate if the lamb was beef. Majority concensus is that it's lamb. Portion was big and enough for five of us.

Besides that, we also had the Chicken Parmigiana. The picture below doesn't do the actual dish justice. In the picture, it looks all messy and a tad gross, right? Well, in reality, portion was huge with two slabs of Chicken Schnitzel nestled under the tomato sauce. Everyone had enough helpings to leave the eatery full and contented. I rather liked the blanched carrots.

It would seem that Mr. C, Sal, her sister and Jules enjoyed the meal and was pretty satisfied. Where else I didn't. Perhaps there was just too much spice and herbs going on for me. I am an ardent Chicken Parmigiana fan so, not liking this was a surprise for me. Not sure if it's a possibility, but maybe, just maybe Miss PMS had something to do with my warp taste buds for the week.

Bill wise, it came to about AUD80 for all five of us and that's pretty ok for such a huge and filling portion. Cocktails were AUD10 for the evening according to the friendly and nice waiter who served us. Then again, he looked more like the owner.

All in all, I think this was the day the blues begin. Darn it. Hope it goes away soon 'cos it hampers productivity and I have a lot to do. ;(