Monday, April 2, 2012

Last week of Lent

More than a month ago, end of February, I decided to give up two things during the period of Lent which I blogged about HERE; tea and Facebook. How did I fare in the past month? To be honest, I am ashame to say it outloud but I will tell the truth and shame the devil, I wasn't 100% committed. 

I had my good days and my off days On my good days, I managed not to scratch the itch to log on to Facebook. On the off days, which is almost at least once a week, I succumbed to my weakness and logged in for a few minutes only to take hold of myself, and force my fingers to click the 'x' button at the top right corner of my screen.

And I'd get pretty upset with myself for my weakness and ill discipline.

As the weeks passed, it was actually easier not to even think about Facebook. I realised I think of logging on whenever a friend comes to mind and I wondered how they were doing or whenever I took a good photo and wanted to upload it to my photo album. 

On more occasions than one, whenever I am waiting for someone or felt bored and restless, that was when the urge to tap on 'Facebook' via my handphone was compelling.

In regards to my milk tea fasting, I was pretty faithful which is really good as I usually have at least one to two cups daily. However, since my in-laws came, I somehow lost the plot, gave in and drank tea almost every day. 

It was as if I gave up. Maybe in a way I did. I felt that despite my intentions at the start of Lent, I hardly prayed nor meditate on His word. And just by 'fasting' which wasn't even sincere since I didn't kept to it 100%, it didn't feel right. Somehow, it felt like I had mucked things up and my fasting lost all meaning.

In the end (following from my Ash Wednesday blog post) sadly, I was hooked watching series. Hence, I slept late watching them. Woke up late in the afternoon only to continue watching till Mr. C came back from work. The many series that I was engrossed with were entertaining, gripping and well, a complete waste of time. 

I realised, too late, that perhaps, I should have fasted off all social networks, movies AND series. Maybe then, I would have managed my time better. I had wanted to do so many things but ended up achieving none.

I may not have been 100% faithful to God in the past month but I need to pull myself together (despite my approaching PMS time again), time is lost and cannot be regained, however, what I do next is what counts. I can't change what I've done in the past but I can choose my path to take in the future.

And although Easter Sunday is in a couple of days time and I get to officially go back to my Facebook and tea regime, I think I need to rethink all of this and decide a game plan what to do moving forward.

Please be kind in your thoughts of me and reserve judgement. I know I am flawed and because of this imperfection, I need Him. I realised I am happier and feel life's purposes when I go to church. Not Catholic church thought. 

Time to stop waiting and depending on others and just do what needs to be done. So, objective for the next 2-3 months, to go to church, every single Sunday. I must at least go four weeks straight in a row. 

And I hope to report that I am successful in this endeavour. 

For those who were successful in keeping to your fasting during the Lent period, good on you! And for those who weren't, like me, fret not, but keep your head high and continue forging on doing your best to be a better you. For you and for God. ;)

Now, to prepare our hearts for Good Friday leading up to Easter Sunday.


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