Thursday, September 2, 2010

Emotional cheating

My friend in SAM flirted with Mr. C once many years ago right in front of me. She knew that I didn't like it and yet all she had to say was that it was harmless teasing. Mr. C, himself was a big dufus and I categorise his response to her was just as flirtatious. The thing with Mr. C is that he can be rather obtuse when it comes to dealing with girls. Now, you may think that I am the naive, easy-to-be-bluffed kind of girlfriend, but I really don't let on as much as people sometimes think and that is probably a story for another day if I so decide to spill any beans at all.

If one is single and flirts with another single person, I think, that's still reasonable. But for an attached person to flirt around, it's asking for trouble. Yeah sure, it's all in the name of fun. However, it always starts just with that innocent touch, that innocent look, that innocent flirt. You may very well mean nothing more, nothing less but it can be misconstrued and it can lead to something definitely more than harmless.

We all know that cheating at the highest level is sleeping with someone who's not your partner. Touching inappropriately even without going all the way is still cheating no matter how you want to rationalise it and this is just talking about physical cheating.

"What about emotional cheating and how far is far?".

What about stray thoughts? Even fleeting ones? How about dreams? After all, many feels that dreams cannot be controlled, hence, not deemed as cheating.
For me, I would say that emotional cheating definitely includes flirting that is perceived as harmless teasing with the opposite sex, discussing one's work problems, relationship problems etc with someone other than your partner especially the opposite sex, spending time looking for a gift for that person, thinking, calling or even texting that person.

Anything you hold back from your partner but you share it with that friend or co-worker of the opposite sex can lead to an emotional affair if one isn't careful especially discussing intimate details that should be reserved for one's partner's ears only. It's

I have always told Mr. C that he can never share any arguments we have with any girl. Yeah sure, he can go gripe about it with his guy pals and bitch about me all he wants but he can NEVER ever share stuff about him and I with any girls. It's not to say that I want to be controlling or am paranoid but if he or I goes outside our relationship to find solace in others to feed his emotional needs, it will shake the bonds that holds us together.

When you start finding solace with someone other than your partner, usually the opposite sex, it leads to trouble. An emotional affairs tend to start innocently as friendship. I used to believe in platonic friendships between a guy and a girl and I still do. However, the invisible line or a boundary should always be set and never be crossed.

For me, I believe that emotional cheating usually tends to lead up to full blown sexual infidelity. And emotional cheating can be more damaging as it involves one's emotions and as we all know, we, humans especially us girls, are very emotional beings. Physical cheating is tough enough to overcome but when it comes to emotional cheating, some simply find it tough to heal from it.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you prefer to hang out with this guy/girl more than your own partner, it's time to start evaluating yourself and give yourself a reality check. Talk it out with your partner. Having an open and honest relationship is crucial. Stop spending time with that guy/girl or at least, no more one-on-one meet ups.

If you're having an affair just for the thrill which apparently is quite prevalent these days, I truly hope you'll see the error of your ways and not hurt your partner any longer. Let's not even start about guys but it seems that there are just as many girls out there who cheat on their boyfriends just to experience cheap thrills whilst regarding their boyfriends as just a security blanket. That is never the way to treat a person. Imagine if you were the one betrayed, how would you feel?


Kathlynn said...

oh, i so agree. emotionally cheatin can sometimes be worse than physically cheatin..

Jaerragus said...

Totally true... either way.. cheatin ain't good...

goingkookies said...

Kathlyn: whatever it is.. @Jaerragus is right.. it's still cheating =p but it's supposedly rather common these days

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Lidia Udrija said...

As a woman I agree with this article to the Billionth power. The points made are articulated very well however I don't think all men would agree. Most men don't feel it's cheating unless it's physical. The problem is when men cheat physically or emotionally they are doing it with other women (unless it is with another man. ... which is nothing wrong with that if that's your choice. .. but that's another subject). The other women usually don't have a problem with the emotional cheating or the physical for that matter until it happens to them. I find it peculiar that men have not commented here.
Not to say women are not guilty of doing this because they are and I don't feel any different in reverse.
I believe in any relationship you need Trust, Respect and Love. If you love someone then you won't do anything to hurt the one you love period. If you trust someone you don't worry about these things. If you respect them then there is no room for flirting, emotional physical cheating. If you are doing any of those things then you are lacking one of those things and therefore something is broken.