"There is no greater love than to lay down one's life for one's friends."
Last week, something somehow compelled me to send an email to a friend. Ok. It may seem corny but I think God was the one that planted it in my head whilst I was bathing. The thought just came out of nowhere.
This friend and I go a long way back right up to SAM year. We've been classmates in SAM year, in Uni and even colleagues for several years! Despite my changing subjects and class in SAM year, despite her leaving for Australia during Uni years, we've somehow kept in touch.
However, it's been awhile now since we've both grown apart. I can't really say it's totally her fault or even hers at all but on my end, I would say it was because I held a grudge. I am not proud of it and truth be told, I have very high expectations of people. And because I am the kind of person who keeps in touch and goes the extra mile for people, I kind of expect people to do the same.
I held a grudge because was hurt. I was hurt because I felt that she was closer to others, that she made the effort to keep in touch with others but not me and I felt slighted and forgotten. I forgot what it means to be a real friend.
And it's not something most of us are, a real friend. Being a true and sincere friend requires us not to be inward looking but to always think about the other person. That also means going the extra mile for others even if they don't see it, even if they don't appreciate it and even if they don't want it!
I realised that this friend has been there for me at some point or other in my life. It may not have been the way I wanted her to be there for me or when I needed her to be, but the fact remains that she has. At work, we'll pour our hearts to each other and she'd organise birthday presents and dinner for me.
Maybe she held back a lot from me and I felt it. On the other hand, so did I. I guess like I've mentioned before, due to my 'goody two shoes' reputation and reserved nature in the past, it's not very easy to talk to me without feeling a certain sense of judgment (even if I really don't judge) and I wasn't exactly Miss Fun.
But I am glad that I sent that apologetic email and I mean every word from the recess of my heart. I hope that we can pick up our friendship from before and mend the cracks. Hopefully, our friendship will strengthen and be even more than before but let's not get ahead of ourselves, knowing me and my expectations (something I am learning to manage and boy is it tough!).
First steps first, I'll reply your email come Monday and we shall take it one step at a time from there.