The rules of love

Once upon a time,
You were my everything.
Things change, 
people change.


When you were my everything,
did you treasure it?
did you crow?
did you sing it at the rooftops?


When you felt like
you were fighting a losing battle,
did you gave it your all,
or were calls really just enough?


When I tumbled into the rabbit hole,
and was lost and confused,
did you remind me 
what we once had and possibly still have?


Why don't you just
tell me how you really feel?
Who are you to decide,
If he is the better man?


Who were you,
to jerk at my heartstrings?
I, the puppet,
and you, the puppeteer.


Up to date, 
I never got my answers.
Or perhaps,
answers were given but not accepted.


If only you chose me,
and I was more bold.
If only you said 'no',
and let me go.

But in all the aftermath,

all is said to be forgiven.

Forgiven but not forgotten,

and it seeps into everything else.

Like vines,

it twirls and swirls.

Like talons,

it sinks right in.

No one understands me,

no one really cares.

'Cos if you were my friend,

you'd know what this is about.

I cry by myself

at times,

hoping and wishing

for a revelation. 

A revelation to end it all.

An answer why it had to happened.

A purpose in life,

A reason to live.

Kooky Pics #460 Second chance

Kooky Pics #459 It is never enough

Today I don't feel like doing anything

"Today I don't feel like doing anything
I just want to lay in my bed..."

Woke up at one. Half the day gone. Laptop on my tummy. Surfing my time away.

Dragged myself for a shower. Had two pieces of toast. With a cup of tea. More calories stored.

Hacking. Coughing. Sniffling. Choking.

Aches and sores. Heartaches and headaches. Confusion and clarity. Denial and oblivion.

Tremors. Flashes of lightning. Grey skies. Doom and gloom.

Feeling forlorn. Feeling alone. Feeling anti-social. Feeling crappy.

Two more Dream High. New beginnings of White Collar. Old walk down Greys Anatomy. And now, it's back to Castle.

Kooky Pics #458 An apple a day

Call me Doofus

Today, I am reminded again how idiotic and dumb I can be. Sure, sure. It's a common oversight according to Mr. Landlord. Then again, on hindsight, something did prompt me to look at the oven before I went out to talk to the mechanic but I figured that it'll be alright, that I wouldn't be gone long.

It's once again about me shutting off the 'voice' in myself. You'd think I would learn from my past, my mistakes, my 'nah it's alright' complacent attitude. But nope. Apparently, today, I didn't.

You see, I left two wholemeal bread in the oven to 'toast' as I went about tidying the house. Then, the mechanic beckoned me out for a chat. On my way towards the door, just like the time my bag was snatched in early 2009, something - some call it instinct, some hails it as a woman's intuition, some go far as to say it's God's prompting - prompted me to look towards the oven and I was reminded of my toasts but I thought all will be fine.

So, whilst chatting outside, loud beeping sounds wailed through out the house. I ran in to see heaps of smoke billowing from the oven towards the ceiling where the smoke detectors sit and mock me.

And the smoke detectors just kept ringing and wailing assaulting my senses and rendering me partially deaf. When you're in this kind of situation, you either take charge or panic. Seeing how I was by myself, I had to collect my wits and think fast. 

Before I could do anything, the phone rang and I hurriedly answered it. It was the security company asking me the situation in the house. I told them amidst embarrassment that it was just toast left in the oven till it burnt black and crisp. 

They asked for the security code - which I had to call and ask my landlord for - as a measurement of precaution that it wasn't a break in related incident or what not in order to authorise them to shut off the annoyingly deafening alarm.

Once the password was conveyed, whilst clarifying that they'll shut off the alarm asap, we were disconnected. I thought, alright, the stupid sounds will shut off in a bit, no worries. But after a few minutes, the stupid sirens were still driving me nuts and causing further damage to my partial hearing impairment. 

Had to trouble Mr. Landlord with a call again to get the security people to off the alarm. He gave the necessary directions on what to do next. I felt awfully paiseh for disturbing him during working hours for such a trivial matter.

I think he sensed it because he said firmly through the phone, 'Esther, if there is ever any trouble, just give a ring and it's alright. No worries about it. Things like that happen all the time to us. So don't fret about it.' Have I ever mentioned how awesome Mr. Landlord is? He is a real sweetie!

Anyways, that was the end of the whole debacle but the self deprecation doesn't end there. I still felt like a real doofus for leaving the toast in the oven and for ignoring my own gut! So, perhaps what people say about woman's intuition is true! If only, I'd pay heed to mine!

Lesson for the day : 

#1 Am blessed with an awesome landlord! 

Remember to make awesome fruit juice for him later.

#2 Don't be a doofus and listen to my instincts.

To remember this for the next time I get a prompting!

#3 God is always watching over me and out for me! 

Remember, be thankful and not take God forgranted!! Thank you! *beams* 

Kooky Pics #457 Evergreen roses

Sticks and stones

It is said that sticks and stones may break bones but words will never hurt. 

Whoever who said that was obviously in denial. Words are more lethal and once uttered, can never be taken back. And people so often say hurtful words when they are hurt or angry. Even if their hurt and anger is justified, does that give them the right to hurt others with their words? By spouting those words in the heat of passion, whatever passion it may be, it is forever remembered, forever floating about one's mind.

And with that, one thought naturally leads to another. Healthy thoughts. Unhealthy pondering.

What you've said today, you can't ever take them back. If I were selfish like you, I could've spewed a whole lot more 'truth' and get it off my chest but I am not like you. If you don't open your eyes before it's too late, you'll let this poison ruin what's left of whatever that is left which right now, I don't have a clue.

Knowing you, you'll act as if all is right with the world after having one of your 'talks', after you have calmed down. But the matters at hand won't disappear till you work it out. 

At least, it's good to finally know what you really think of me.

Then again, it's a bit late for regrets, isn't it?

Just another Thursday

I am lost for words... Hence, it's just pictures today.

A smiley me, putting on a front... at Knox.

Packenham pear as big as my palm!!

There's just something about apples that calls to me.

Green vs Red

Types of Tomatoes.

Huge watermelons.

I do miss grocery shopping here in Australia... fruits shopping too!!

Something borrowed and cheating

Watched this on my Sammie 2 on the flight home from Malaysia. Some scenes just made me tear much to Mr. C's chagrin. He really can't bear to see me in tears. Not that he is embarrassed by me but that he can't stand to see me sad. Then again, I doubt he understand my tears.

The story is basically about Rachel (the brunette) who has always loved Dex from law school, whom she inadvertently introduced to her best friend, Darcy (blondie Kate Hudson) and now, after six years of being together, they are engaged to be married. 

What is sad is that it was obvious that Dex and Rachel had feelings for each other from day one but they both just never did expressed them. She, thinking how can a guy like him fall for a girl like her and him? God and him only knows what was going on in his mind.

And because he thought that she had no feelings for him, he moved on... to Darcy. After all, who can blame him? Darcy is vivacious and full of life. If you don't try, you'll never know what you might be missing out on... right? 

So, Dex and Darcy dates and progresses to the next step after six years - marriage. However, after Rachel's 30th 'surprised' birthday thrown by Darcy - despite knowing that Rachel doesn't like this kind of surprises - Rachel off handedly mentions her law school crush on Dex over drinks with just the two of them, leading to them getting involved (you know what I mean, I don't have to spell it out) and complicating things.

It's a messy thing to be in. Cheating on your best friend's fiancé? Even if that is the person you had dibs. Even if that person is the love of your life. Cheating on your fiancé's best friend? Even if she was the one you first loved but never had the courage to say anything. 

I won't tell you how that works out in the end but I am sure many of you have been in similar boats as this or know people who are or was in such situation. It confounds the mind what situations we put ourselves in, at times. Misery does love company and so, we sink into such depths.

But at the end of it all, does reality works out like in the movies? You tell me.

23.07.11 My Saturday and Mr. C washing his baby

27.07.11 Date with JoJo at Mocha Jo