Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Love Learn and Live

Of late, 'wise words' and 'love quotes' as below have been assailing my FB wall. I joined the bandwagon and shared most of the below as I believe many can identify with what's been said. Funnily, a few friends have messaged asking me if I was alright and if everything was okay with my love life. LOL.

Everyone has been hurt and disappointed being in a relationship and coming out from one. Many go through more than once in their lifetime. Some learn from their mistakes, their past and some don't. Sometimes, it is straightforward and easy to walk away. But often times, leaving is never an option despite the misery one is in.

Being with that person, no matter how bad they can be for you, they make you whole, they complete you. They make you feel, you. You can love and yet, at times you also hate. That person you're with can mean the world to you and yet be your doom. And you wonder why do you subject yourself to such misery, why can't you leave and walk away.

No one should be allowed so much power over another person's wellbeing. Too much of something never serves well for anyone. With too much power leaves room for abuse. It is always the case to lose something precious only to realise one's lost. But by then, your lost could very well be another person's gain.

For those who have been taken forgranted, you give your all, your everything but sadly, all you're left with is a broken heart. A heart that has cracked many times and finds it hard to heal. Fret not, all is not lost. For now, you may feel it is the end of the world, your world. But life goes on. Never stop believing. Never stop hoping.

When you're looking for that something, you tend not to find it BUT when you stop looking, it appears right before your very eyes. And sometimes, you don't have to look far. Look around you and for all you know, that very person is just right next to you all along, all these while.

Falling in and out of love is inevitable. No relationship is perfect. Never compare yours with anothers. No two people are the same. When both goes into a relationship, both often are of different genders and with that, different mindsets. Not only does that matter, so does both your personalities and character. If that wasn't enough, both your family upbringing can affect your relationship!

All the above matters but it does not define the outcome of your relationship. It does not mean that you're doom to fail even before your relationship has even started, or given a chance to bloom. What matters is how you deal with the differences, the issues and what not.

We are always taught to study hard, obtain a good job, find a nice partner and have a home etc but we are rarely taught how to deal with issues, the mature way to resolving conflicts in a calm and rational manner. Instead, the message broadcast in Hollywood and portrayed in the movies, seeping into society is that if your relationship or marriage doesn't work out, let's cheat, let's have affairs, let's break up and find someone new.

But over and over again, you see Hollywood stars hoping from one partner's bed to another, looking for love in one person's arms and the following week, another. Not just that, look at our friends and family, they too, are searching for love, the right one.

And sometimes, that itself is the problem. We're always looking for something better when good could be enough. There will always be some one better out there; someone smarter, someone better looking, someone funnier, someone wittier but when will enough be enough?

Mr. C and I come from different family upbringing and we have oppossing personalities and characters. We had an informal marriage counselling last year and did a personality test. Based on a series of questions that we both had to fill up to generate the end results, we had zero compatibility and similarities.

Of course, that is a cause for concern with our counselor. He said it is usual to get low percentage but rarely to get ZERO. Despite it, it doesn't mean that Mr. C and I are bound to fail and head for Splitsville but it just means that we will have more issues to handle and sort out as opposed to a couple with more similarities and similar wavelength.

We have been in a relationship to each other for the past 11 years. It wasn't smooth sailing and problem argument free but we have had our good moments too. It's learning to overcome each others weaknesses and rising above it all.

I know that in this past two years, more couples are straying. It is hard to stay faithful to one's partner especially in our society that promotes promiscuity. Virginity is no longer a prized possession and sex talks are not as taboo as they were in our parents' and their parents' time.

People say, one should be open minded and it's best to 'test' each others compatibility in the bedroom before committing each other's forever exclusively to one another. And see how well that has turned out for the majority?

Instead, many have had their hearts torn apart. Lies are told over and over again and trust is taken forgranted. Sleeping about isn't just such a simple act. Infidelity isn't something that just happens despite what people says. It usually starts harmlessly at the beginning with hanging out sessions and teasing leading to flirtations and ends disastrously for one party, if not both. Not factoring in the scorned girlfriend or boyfriend.

And it eats into your being and affects your emotional health and wellbeing. It affects your judgment and thoughts. You'll do things you never thought you'd do. The worst thing is you know you should stop, you want to stop but somehow, you can't and you don't know why you can't. And it goes on till it finally ends. At the end of it, someone always gets hurt; the perpetrator, the fling or either person's partner.

People fall in and out love for a reason and for a season. People stray, cheat and have affairs. Some intentional, some somehow just did. Whatever the reason, it's never justifiable. A clean cut and a clean break is always the best for all parties concerned. Naturally, someone is bound to get hurt but everyone deserves an answer and respect.

Someone I know just broke up with his girlfriend of 9 years. Few months back, a friend broke up with his girlfriend of 6 years. They both cited that they just didn't have feelings anymore. In a relationship that has lasted so long, feelings might fade or rather, sometimes, we just forget why we fell in love in the first place.

Of course, some just aren't meant to be and when it's time to walk, it is the best for both in the long run. Mr. C and I have had our share of ups and definitely down times. We even almost parted ways for good but we decided that 10 years have got to count for something. That 'we' meant something to each other. And we were willing to let bygones be bygones or rather, give each other another chance and look where we are, in love like we were 16 again.

Sure, we do squabbles and some days, I just want to clobber him and him, wishing I'll get off his case. But that's life. Just accept, embrace and make the best of the now to have a better tomorrow.

Our experiences do make us stronger and wiser or at least, it should. We learn from our past, live for the now so that we can have the future. At the end of the day, you can choose to react negatively and lament how life dealt you a lousy hand or take the shittiness and turn it into something good, if not bearable.

Awesomeness don't just happens. You can choose that you want it and make it happen. It's been said,'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade'. What doesn't kill you just makes you stronger and every cloud has a silver lining.

Your choice, the glass is half empty or half full.


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