Last day

OMG OMG!!! TEST IS TMR!!!!

and i m not done!!

and i m tired...

and all i want to do know is SLEEP!!

but i CAN'T!!!

i left some of my answers at the Tropicana City starbucks and now have to rewrite some of them again!!!

AARGHH!!!!

LYN... Hope your answers help.. you will then be deemed my LIFE SAVER!!! hehe

Childhood memory

Was at Jaya One's Starbucks the whole afternoon coming up with stupid answers for the stupid case study. Anyhow. Was bored for awhile and resorted to kacauing my sister by:

1) Making buzzing sounds and motioning my hand all around her ears mimicking a real fly with super loud BZZZZ sounds to see her level of tolerance. She was not perturbed whatsoever.

2) Did the 2 finger walk up her left arm towards her left shoulder and once again. NO response.

Gosh. She was rather focused on her work. Or perhaps trying her best to ignore me, the fly.

hehe

3) Then, i saw her earlobe and used my second finger to flick her earlobe up and down just to kacau her. That didn't really work either.

This brought me back to once-upon-a-time when i was a small kid and i did the exact same thing to someone else.... my childhood friend!

He had super thick earlobes and we were told apparently that chinese belief is that it is a sign of his future... upcoming... perhaps soon-to-be properity!! And somehow, it tickled me to kacau him and play with his earlobes flicking them up and down much to his irritation. =p

Wonder if he still has thick earlobes.

ps: I can't wait for Lyn to email me her answers so i can compare hers and mine. Some places i am stuck and am wondering if they're right. Bummer. Got to complete them tonight and it's already 10pm and i am not even half way through!!!

pss: Trying to do my stupid e-tax filing but can't seem to find the link. Plus, i still can't seem to find ALL the receipts for ALL the books i bought last year that i have been saving up for this stupid, stupid occassion!! Guess, i'll just have to forgo the tax deduction. Bummer again.

PANIC ATTACK!!

OMG OMG!! For a moment i forgot how to spell panic.

Is it spelt with a "c"?? or a "k"?? or both???!!!!

Exams in 3 days time and i m far from ready. I shouldn have stayed home n moped n be depressed trying to force myself to study the first week. Instead, i should have gone out shopping, walking, anything and everything BUT besides trying to study. Now, 2 weeks have gone and what did i do????

DARN IT!!

Mistake no. 1 was that i didn't enjoyed myself for at least a week doing non-work/study related matters.

Mistake no. 2 was that i didn't zoom in straight to the case study as mentioned by others instead smart me tried to go through the modules and even then completed only half.

Mistake no. 3 was not going for the stupid stupid workshop! HUGE sigh.

Well, too late for regrets once again. Only thing is to plan for the next few days and make the best of it even if my heart's telling me that most likely, i m going to fail this stinking paper. Then again, i feel like throwing in the towel, say wth and just relax and defer the stinking paper... But you know what??? My human nature is hoping against ALL hope that i might just pass it after all!!

Should be studying now but feeling super bloated and full and OMG that time of the month is aroudn the corner! Of all timing!!! I should be studying but here i m blogging. Even ms lyn who started her study break later than me is ahead of me in her preparation. Bleh. She even got her bf to help her out!!! Cheat! =p hehe...

ok. back to studies... more like kill more brain cells analysing the case study.

anyhows.. FINGERs crossed!!! and toes too!!

Thanks, but NO THANKS!

thanks, but no thanks for the tears
the heartaches n pain
thanks, but no thanks for the oh-so-wonderful advises
and for the lovely thought that i should be slapped

thanks, but no thanks for the yelling
misunderstandings n lack of support
thanks, but no thanks for asking me every month, "where is it"
and for the lovely thought that i have no perseverance

thanks, but no thanks for thinking highly of me
for boasting n being proud of me
thanks, but no thanks for producing me
and for the lovely thought always that i m so damn rich

thanks, but no thanks for never being there for me
u, for acting childish n u, for being cranky n churlish
thanks, but no thanks for always hiding in your own world
and for the lovely thought that i can survive

thanks, but no thanks for EVERYTHING and for NOTHING!

Money is the root of all evil

I have rewarded myself today when i didn't even deserve it!
I was supposed to go through the case study
and also the pre-seen information
(case study which part of the exam questions will be based on)
but that i did not.

Sigh.
I reward myself reading novels.
Watching America's Next Top Model Cycle 12.
Cute and Chic Fo, i adore.
Her exotic, sultry look reminds me of Monica Belucci.

Fail to see the "model" quality in Natalie though
and what that the judges keep raving about.
She is pretty, no doubt about that
but seems to have this next-door-girl look.

And in every season,
you'll definitely have at least a person you'll detest.
A person who thinks so highly of herself.
A person who is so blinded by her high handed opinions of herself
that you just want to smack her silly.
For cycle 12, i would have to say that,
that person for me is Sandra who was finally booted in episode 6!
WHOOPPIEE!!

ok. it sounds mean
but she keeps going on and on
about how pretty she is
and how good she is
and what great photos she takes
when i don't see it at all!

ok. Enough about ANTM.

I was just thinking that
if i didn't have to contribute
a huge chunk of my salary every month,
i could so easily afford
a PS2, a camera and a hp
with just one month's salary
and have extra leftovers for monthly expenses!
But i guess not.

And this leads me to think,
why am i working so blardy hard for??!!
I mean, at the end of the day,
i don't feel as if i m benefitting from my "hardwork".
I do sth i hate so much
and i dun get to enjoy and reap the results of the effort!
Instead, i mope around,
always having to count
how much i have spent
and how much i have left
to spend and the things i want to get
but can't seem to get!

Does anyone ever say, "why don't you just take this one month pay and get sth you want for yourself??".
Well, wondering if ever that day will ever come.

And i think of all the colleagues/friends i know
who HARDLY contributes
or even give ANY portion of their pay to their parents!
The part is, sometimes,
their parents have their own money
and hence, don't need their childrens money.
But it's like so freaking unfair.

Their parents can afford to buy them
a car, a nice house, an education abroad
and even now when they're working
they get to keep all their money for themselves
to splurge or whatever not.

Where ppl like me
who don't come from a well off family
constantly feels like nothing ever comes easy.
And i may not be super poor and all
but i didn't get
a free house, a free car, a chance to study abroad
and now, instead of being able to pamper myself,
i have to give back to help out with family expenditure.

I am not complaining.
not complaining about having to give money back to my family.
but i am SO complaining about the part,
the part where i don't get to do what i want with my money.
I don't ever seem to get to pursue what i want. What i feel.
And i m going to be quarter of the century this year.
And i want more out of my life as it is right now.
I want so much more.

It's not fair that i have to slog waiting for you guys to rise up.
When will that ever be??!!
Are you guys being fair to me?
I am not the smartests, the brightest nor the fairest.
You guys are.

When will you find it in your heart to give me my chance at life?
I took accounting out of necessity.
I did audit out of necessity.
You guys got a chance at what you wanted to pursue.
When will you at least show me
the understanding i seek
and the guidance that i need?

Financial planning

Was tidying up my mailbox... going through all the unread emails.. mostly spams from my bf's quirky parents. hehe. They do send some rather interesting forwarded mails at times.. just like...

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.'

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

First time Gym, Part 1

My muscles are aching at the moment. You should have seen the instructor bouncing around the room and mind you, i don't think she's that young. Perhaps in her 40's or so?? Yeah yeah. I know i should be studying but somehow i can't seem to. I would wake up super late into the day and watch tv late into the evening and then, regret it, make resolutions for the next day but somehow...

Anyways, I wanted to blog on a lot of things but now, just no mood to blog anymore. I wish i knew what was the right route or that i would have guts to follow my heart. I guess, maybe in a way, i don't want to break her heart or disappoint her but it's sad that i don't have her support, too. I mean, does it not matter if i cry all the time? Perhaps not.

Oh well... nowadays i don't seem to have mood for anything. At least, last time, when i was down, i could blog.

Disappointments and crap

The week has passed me by so fast. It's already Friday! and what have i done to account for the week? Nothing. I haven't even completed a module and neither have i done my driving license, paid my saman, did anything with my hair, shopping, clean my room or even packed my goody bag to send to my bf!

I really did try to push myself to study but somehow, it's like there's a block. I sit and read a few lines and the words just become blurry and i have to re read the whole para or even the whole page again. Part of me is saying, screw it and yet the other half is saying i better get this done once and for all. On top of that, there's this niggling thought in my other parts of my brain thinking of after this study break. No one understands. Only my petbro gave me the answer that i need to hear or rather want to hear.

I don't have a solution. The easy way out is obvious but somehow my filial sense seems to be winning the fight for now. I thought you would understand what i m feeling and what i m going through but the words that you say just shows that you don't and i guess that hurts even more. Everyone's been really rallying for you and trying not to pressure you but do you even see it? Or do you just withdraw to your little cocoon? She asked you to just help her transfer stuff and you make such a bloody small thing sound so difficult to do. You're the one who recommended the Mac to begin with.

and on to other things, my mum kept forgetting to lock my car door after using it. Yesterday, some jerk rummage through the things in my car and took my coin pouch! i mean, at least it's not much but somehow i feel a bit insecure. It happened right outside my house while i was home and was oblivious to it! How do i not know if he is still lurking around?

What is wrong with all this stupid brainless scumbags? They prey on you, eye your stuff and take things that don't belong to them! and seriously once again, what is our pathetic excuse of a government doing? What is the policemen doing? Seriously, enough with all the childish, juvenile behaviors squabbling for control all the time! Utusan can publish the things they did without being arrested under ISA or for causing racial disharmony when the message posted on their news practically screams just that!!

alright. enough about politics and stupid brainless nitwits. It's back to pushing me to study. Sigh. I am actually not keen to go out tonight as i haven't been studying much and all but thinking for the sake of friendship, I said ok.

Wanted to ask you out for pasar malam ytd like the good ol days but never did. Perhaps i don't want to face being rejected. Oh well, all i know is i need some rescuing. Monday, i was happy. Maybe it was the first day of study break. or maybe it was just doing sth out of the ordinary. then again, maybe it was just the company.

This is not even the hungry ghost month and i m feeling oppresed already!

Will it get any easier?

oh shits!!!!

i typed a super LONG post. More like mindless rambling and it's all gone!!

Today just isn't my day. The happy me is M.I.A.

Gone. Kaputi!

I hope that my manager or my junior won't bother me tomorrow and i hope that i can finish module 1 & 2 and that i complete 1 or 2 other things.

I need answers to my questions.

If only i have the guts to take the plunge and be selfish for me.

Trying to understand what's holding me back.

Happy Birthday to Mr. Quack!!!

www.happinessinabite.com

HAPPY FEELINGS I've been super hyper/happy since ytd. Eventhough I had to go back to office to work and clear all my outstanding matters ytd, it didn't felt that bad as Monday begins my STUDY BREAK!!! whoooppiieee!!! and probably cos Moo and Cheesetaro was there too!

Moo said that i was different from my usual self. Then again, she kept calling me a slut when she was the one who couldn't keep her hands off me!! Or was it her saying me being bitchy?? hmmmm.. now who would believe that of 'lil innocent me, right?

HELPFUL COLLEAGUES Thankful and grateful that cheesetaro helped me with my cash flow and tax disclosure as i couldn't tie them! Seriously, this is like the second time that he's rescued me. I mean, to others, it might be a no-big-deal thing as they're smart and can solve their work.

However, humble and not-so-smart me super appreciates the effort as he was and probably still is swamp with his mountain load of work! We were stuck at cash flow for and hour ok! So, dinner treat sometime on me ya!!

EASTER SUNDAY I was practically bouncing around today and super happy or somewhat happier than i have been for the past few months. Even my sis gave me the you-have-gone-bonkers look!

Managed to go to church today though i don't know what exactly did it do for my soul. However, a pat on my back! I even went to church for Good Friday service on Friday. I was working until 7pm ish and told my manager that i had to rush off. After briefing him (as per his request although i said i had to rush off), i dashed home in my beloved Edward. But somehow, i didn't feel or get what i was looking for.

Anyways, back to today. I had lunch with my petbro after ages of not hanging out due to.. well, circumstances and disappointments cos he was being such a jerk but hey.. who's perfect right? (dun tell him i said that though... not that he reads this blog.. hehe.. not that he really reads either.. ok.. see what i mean?? i m becoming mean!!!)

anyhow, since we couldn't make it in time for movie we left 1u and headed to Brother's to get him some wipers and twitters. We had to wait for almost frigging 2 hours for the twitters to be installed!! And we kept cringing seeing the installer attempt to pry open his radio part as they had to connect the wire from the twitter to the radio, i think. Oh well, made it home feeling sooo exhausted cos of the humid air.

MINI BIRTHDAY SURPRISE!! I don't know what was it that compelled me to do whatever that i did.. maybe something about the way he mentioned earlier about reaching quarter of the century and did not seem too excited about it... i had a brilliant idea and went looking for doughnuts.. however, krispy kreme at niu che shui was closed and i raced off to ss2's starbucks.

you should have seen me and my sis in discussion as to what to get. i was asking her if she thought that i could fit all 25 candles onto the tiny marble cheesecake or onto a doughnut and me asking if i could smash it into his face.. but we finally settled on "zest" some yummilicious looking muffin!

Came back home, wrapped his present that i actually bought for him last year but never had the chance to give it to him, texted him to see if he was home and after waiting like forever, he replied that he was reaching home and that i could come over. i hurriedly took the muffin out and placed it in a box in a paperbad together with his present and drove over to his house. i lighted the 2 big candles and 5 tiny ones onto the muffin and text him to hurry out.

ON THE BIRTHDAY BOY How on earth could i have predicted that he would be such a snail in getting his posterior out of the house???!!! by the time he came out, 2 tiny candles had burnt into the muffin or rather sinked and i had to snuff them out before the muffin erupted in flames! i was too flustered to sing a bday song plus... he asked me to shoosh and no make so much sound! sheesh..

anyhows.. he made a wish. or was it many wishes?? and blew the candles. we chatted for a bit and here i m.. i ve never done sth like that before.. and it's a nice feeling to surprise someone! (i was inspired by gill as i remembered how she surprised me in 2006 for my bday while i was stressed out studying for my exams! she popped over to my house with a slice of cake but i don't think she litted it) you should have seen me panicking that the candles will drop or burn the paperbag!!

Well, he seemed "touched". I guess he's always been the one doing special stuff for his gfs and all and it is nice to have someone do sth special instead... even if it's someone who's not romantically interested in him!! then again, he has given me rather memorable birthday presents like patrick for my 16th bday!! my first perfume by ralph lauren during S.A.M. year. Birthday dinner at some Japanese restaurent near SJMC with their to-die-for softshell crab sushi!! Guess watch which probably was the most expensive present ever!! The Guess watch is a touching story on its own.

this year, all i did was.. appeared outside his house about 12am ish with a muffin and 7 candles (that melted to 2 big candles and 3tiny ones making it 23years old instead) and a man united "teddy bear" shirt from jonkers street!

he said that i m the best sis ever!! yes, i know i am but it's nice to be acknowledged! haha.... kidding!!

actually, it was more of me wanting to see him attempt to blow out 25 tiny candles off a doughnut! dunno why i thought it'll be funny but 7eleven's decided to thwart my plans by selling fat, white colour blackout candles and not the bday party ones!! it would have been funnier if i had managed to get my hands on those that you've to keep blowing but the fire keeps coming back on!

oh yeah, too bad i didn't have a camera. if not, there would have been some entertaining pics!

Bad name

"i know what junior 1 and junior 2 have in common...!!!"

"what is it??"

"they both go to the same church!"

This was about 2 juniors who have been giving their seniors a hard time in terms of how they go about their work also how they interact which basically boils down to their attitudes.

It's sad isn't it that instead of being ambassadors for God, one makes one the subject of mockery.

Then again, who am i to judge. After all, i myself, have not been going to church in awhile. A long while. Probably once or twice this year. This is bad. Maybe that's why my life is so unhappy or rather lacking or something.

When I was a child, every sunday without fail, i would go to church with my family. I used to love the bible stories told during sunday school even now, i wouldn't mind reading comic versions of abraham and isaac, noah's ark, soddom and gormorrah, tower of babel, how God created the earth in 7 days, joseph and egypt etc.

However, came adolescense period and somehow, i didn't feel like i fit in anymore. I mean, in fact, it was easier to mesh with my high school friends (who btw weren't christians) then in church where the whole clique thing was going on. Yes, i went to church for the service but not for the teens service. Guess, my level of faith is stunted at std6 which is sad isn't it and ppl think i m miss goody two shoes. miss holy. miss good christian when i m not! in fact, a far cry from it!

I want to make it my own faith but as you can see, i am making a muck out of it. or more like lack of going anything. No offense, but the speaker that speaks tend to be super dry that it fails to capture my attention or focus. and well, let's just say i m in need of saving...

perhaps i shall make extra effort to go this friday. if not for myself, but to at least remember that He died on the cross for me...

TOO much

i m feeling rather upset. today is the beginning of my study break and ytd, i worked til3am tidying up all my work and briefing my junior. today, my manager asked me to go in to work. but i told him i had fever and tummy pain and yet he asked if i could come in to clear stuff with him and partner as i m more familar and he's not too sure. seriously.

firstly, it's my study break. secondly, i m sick!! thirdly, i already briefed my jr. on everything that i know and i had already replied partner's queries and documented what i know. fourthly, i mean, he can just settle whatever it is just as easily by calling client or the other senior right? it's not to say that only i know whatever that is going on as i've been updating him everyday the progress!

and now.. tmr i have to go in cos he says that the partner has additional comments and want me to check with client. i mean if it's so urgent that no one else can do it but me, that's a different thing isn't it? i feel so mad. how to even start studying?

seriously, i do not recommend this field to well 80% of the ppl out there who plan to join audit. it wil suck you dry. mostly, you won't feel appreciated. you'll feel overworked. have no life. seriously!

and here i always thought they really won't call you back from study break. guess not.

Study break coutdown

2 more days till my study break!!

CAN'T WAIT! CAN'T WAIT!

But there's so much to do.

not just studying but i have to...

- clean my room

- clean my house

- do my driving license

- go shopping

- go for medical check up

- probably visit the dentist

- and other "secret" stuff

and you guys know me... study break ends up with me struggling to keep to my "study schedule" and getting distracted by everything else!

oh well.

at least, i'll be getting a break from you-know-where.

joyful joyful...

this is one of my all time favourite songs... however, this version is sung by the ACM Gospel Choir and man.. they did an absolute good job!! it was so good that my bulu also stand-ed listening to this version!!



Joyful, Joyful

Lord, we adore Thee

God of glory

Lord of love

Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee

Hail Thee as the sun above

Joyful, Joyful

Lord, we adore Thee

God of glory

Lord of love

Hearts unfold like flowers before Thee

Hail Thee as the sun above

Melt the clouds of sin, sin and sadness

Drive the dark of doubt away

Drive it away

Giver of immortal gladness

Fill us Fill us with the light of day

Light of day!

Come and join the chorus

The mighty, mighty chorus

Which the morning stars begun

The Father of love is reigning over us

Right away

What have you done for Him lately?

Ooh, ooh, ooh yeah

What have you done for Him lately?

He watches over everything

So we sing

Joyful, Joyful

Lord, we adore Thee

God of glory Lord of love

Giver of immortal gladness ( won't you)

Fill us ( Fill us with the light of day, Lord, fill us)

Fill us ( oh we need You, yes we do, fill us)

Fill us ( yeah..., oh, oh yeah)

Fill us ( with the light of day, Lord)....

Fill us with the light of day ( oh, yeah)Light of day!

When will it be my turn?

I am the below everyday....

pic taken from: www.cal.org/.../Health/healthindex.html

"are you ok??? you look pale"

" how are you feeling?"

" how is your cough? have you recovered?"

and of course... every girl's nightmare...

"wah!!! you look so chan!!! are you ok or not??"

People can say that because they can see. and they see with their eyes and not their mouth! can the higher level ppl see that? Instead of inquiring from the person concerned, they ask "other" people instead. What and where is the logic? Then again, if they had the logic or genuine concern, things won't really continue on being the way they are.

Just found out that my tablemate on the right is leaving for axxon and my other "tablemate" that sits opposite me left for good and in the mean time is going on her holiday trip. How awesome is that? super envy.

If only i had such option. If i had such luxury, i would have said "adieu" long time ago! Some ppl will say it's not wise to leave without securing another position. Then again, if one has no obligations etc, why put yourself in a spot.

It's like jumping from one shit hole to another.

Why not take the time to enjoy life. To take things easy. To perhaps, rediscover oneself. or anything!!!

praying for a miracle....