Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
the heartaches n pain
thanks, but no thanks for the oh-so-wonderful advises
and for the lovely thought that i should be slapped
thanks, but no thanks for the yelling
misunderstandings n lack of support
thanks, but no thanks for asking me every month, "where is it"
and for the lovely thought that i have no perseverance
thanks, but no thanks for thinking highly of me
for boasting n being proud of me
thanks, but no thanks for producing me
and for the lovely thought always that i m so damn rich
thanks, but no thanks for never being there for me
u, for acting childish n u, for being cranky n churlish
thanks, but no thanks for always hiding in your own world
and for the lovely thought that i can survive
thanks, but no thanks for EVERYTHING and for NOTHING!
Friday, April 24, 2009
I was supposed to go through the case study
and also the pre-seen information
(case study which part of the exam questions will be based on)
but that i did not.
I reward myself reading novels.
Watching America's Next Top Model Cycle 12.
Cute and Chic Fo, i adore.
Her exotic, sultry look reminds me of Monica Belucci.
Fail to see the "model" quality in Natalie though
and what that the judges keep raving about.
She is pretty, no doubt about that
but seems to have this next-door-girl look.
And in every season,
you'll definitely have at least a person you'll detest.
A person who thinks so highly of herself.
A person who is so blinded by her high handed opinions of herself
that you just want to smack her silly.
For cycle 12, i would have to say that,
that person for me is Sandra who was finally booted in episode 6!
ok. it sounds mean
but she keeps going on and on
about how pretty she is
and how good she is
and what great photos she takes
when i don't see it at all!
ok. Enough about ANTM.
I was just thinking that
if i didn't have to contribute
a huge chunk of my salary every month,
i could so easily afford
a PS2, a camera and a hp
with just one month's salary
and have extra leftovers for monthly expenses!
But i guess not.
And this leads me to think,
why am i working so blardy hard for??!!
I mean, at the end of the day,
i don't feel as if i m benefitting from my "hardwork".
I do sth i hate so much
and i dun get to enjoy and reap the results of the effort!
Instead, i mope around,
always having to count
how much i have spent
and how much i have left
to spend and the things i want to get
but can't seem to get!
Does anyone ever say, "why don't you just take this one month pay and get sth you want for yourself??".
Well, wondering if ever that day will ever come.
And i think of all the colleagues/friends i know
who HARDLY contributes
or even give ANY portion of their pay to their parents!
The part is, sometimes,
their parents have their own money
and hence, don't need their childrens money.
But it's like so freaking unfair.
Their parents can afford to buy them
a car, a nice house, an education abroad
and even now when they're working
they get to keep all their money for themselves
to splurge or whatever not.
Where ppl like me
who don't come from a well off family
constantly feels like nothing ever comes easy.
And i may not be super poor and all
but i didn't get
a free house, a free car, a chance to study abroad
and now, instead of being able to pamper myself,
i have to give back to help out with family expenditure.
I am not complaining.
not complaining about having to give money back to my family.
but i am SO complaining about the part,
the part where i don't get to do what i want with my money.
I don't ever seem to get to pursue what i want. What i feel.
And i m going to be quarter of the century this year.
And i want more out of my life as it is right now.
I want so much more.
It's not fair that i have to slog waiting for you guys to rise up.
When will that ever be??!!
Are you guys being fair to me?
I am not the smartests, the brightest nor the fairest.
You guys are.
When will you find it in your heart to give me my chance at life?
I took accounting out of necessity.
I did audit out of necessity.
You guys got a chance at what you wanted to pursue.
When will you at least show me
the understanding i seek
and the guidance that i need?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.'
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card and three days later,she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at financial planning than men.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
I really did try to push myself to study but somehow, it's like there's a block. I sit and read a few lines and the words just become blurry and i have to re read the whole para or even the whole page again. Part of me is saying, screw it and yet the other half is saying i better get this done once and for all. On top of that, there's this niggling thought in my other parts of my brain thinking of after this study break. No one understands. Only my petbro gave me the answer that i need to hear or rather want to hear.
I don't have a solution. The easy way out is obvious but somehow my filial sense seems to be winning the fight for now. I thought you would understand what i m feeling and what i m going through but the words that you say just shows that you don't and i guess that hurts even more. Everyone's been really rallying for you and trying not to pressure you but do you even see it? Or do you just withdraw to your little cocoon? She asked you to just help her transfer stuff and you make such a bloody small thing sound so difficult to do. You're the one who recommended the Mac to begin with.
and on to other things, my mum kept forgetting to lock my car door after using it. Yesterday, some jerk rummage through the things in my car and took my coin pouch! i mean, at least it's not much but somehow i feel a bit insecure. It happened right outside my house while i was home and was oblivious to it! How do i not know if he is still lurking around?
What is wrong with all this stupid brainless scumbags? They prey on you, eye your stuff and take things that don't belong to them! and seriously once again, what is our pathetic excuse of a government doing? What is the policemen doing? Seriously, enough with all the childish, juvenile behaviors squabbling for control all the time! Utusan can publish the things they did without being arrested under ISA or for causing racial disharmony when the message posted on their news practically screams just that!!
alright. enough about politics and stupid brainless nitwits. It's back to pushing me to study. Sigh. I am actually not keen to go out tonight as i haven't been studying much and all but thinking for the sake of friendship, I said ok.
Wanted to ask you out for pasar malam ytd like the good ol days but never did. Perhaps i don't want to face being rejected. Oh well, all i know is i need some rescuing. Monday, i was happy. Maybe it was the first day of study break. or maybe it was just doing sth out of the ordinary. then again, maybe it was just the company.
This is not even the hungry ghost month and i m feeling oppresed already!
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
"what is it??"
"they both go to the same church!"
This was about 2 juniors who have been giving their seniors a hard time in terms of how they go about their work also how they interact which basically boils down to their attitudes.
It's sad isn't it that instead of being ambassadors for God, one makes one the subject of mockery.
Then again, who am i to judge. After all, i myself, have not been going to church in awhile. A long while. Probably once or twice this year. This is bad. Maybe that's why my life is so unhappy or rather lacking or something.
When I was a child, every sunday without fail, i would go to church with my family. I used to love the bible stories told during sunday school even now, i wouldn't mind reading comic versions of abraham and isaac, noah's ark, soddom and gormorrah, tower of babel, how God created the earth in 7 days, joseph and egypt etc.
However, came adolescense period and somehow, i didn't feel like i fit in anymore. I mean, in fact, it was easier to mesh with my high school friends (who btw weren't christians) then in church where the whole clique thing was going on. Yes, i went to church for the service but not for the teens service. Guess, my level of faith is stunted at std6 which is sad isn't it and ppl think i m miss goody two shoes. miss holy. miss good christian when i m not! in fact, a far cry from it!
perhaps i shall make extra effort to go this friday. if not for myself, but to at least remember that He died on the cross for me...
Monday, April 6, 2009
CAN'T WAIT! CAN'T WAIT!
But there's so much to do.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
It's like jumping from one shit hole to another.
Why not take the time to enjoy life. To take things easy. To perhaps, rediscover oneself. or anything!!!