Lost wandering sheep

Picture taken from HERE.

Have you ever felt lost? Lost in life. Lost in love. Lost of any kind of direction. Just plain old fashioned lost?

So lost that you don't think you can ever find your way back. Ever again? So lost that you DON'T want to find your way back. You don't care if you ever did. You don't care if you destroyed what's left of your so-called-pathetic existence and nothing really matters anymore because you just don't matter.

Everyone has been at that juncture in life one time or another or currently is at that cross junction. I was at that place not once but many times in this past one to two years- I hated work which led me to make some silly actions that further fueled my hate of life. Family situation did not help matters but added fuel to the fire. On top of that, things weren't going well with Mr. C then and we both made mistakes.

I was frustrated that nothing was going right. Everything was against me. That was the general, daily feeling. You can tell me to be more positive, to NOT be so negative (as if I loved being pessimistic) but it was pointless. That was just how I felt, how I was. And when you're down, everything appears to go wrong. One thing after another, like a series of unfortunate events.

But came May 2009, I told myself that life really is too short for regrets and I didn't want to hit the big 3-0 to only still be living a life of regrets. By then, it will be late. Not too late to change but precious time would have past me by. Time that could've been better spent.

I thought that 2010 would be a new year, a year free of mistakes, of sadness but boy was I wrong. I made stupid calls one after another and hurt those close to me including myself. But somehow, that has lead me to be who I am now and for me to be where I am.

And my point is, the most important thing to bear in mind is to never, ever give up. No matter what. To know that somehow, someday, you will find the way back. It is just a matter of when. And that when can seem like an impossibility but trust me, it will come.

No matter how deep a hole you've buried for yourself. No matter how bad your actions and situation may seem, or what that has been done to you, it really isn't that bad. SERIOUSLY.

It just seems that way when you're in that mess at the moment. May it be cheating on your partner or being cheated on. Or yelling at friends and family or hurling hurtful words or at the receiving end instead. Or hating your work, your boss, your life.

There IS a rainbow at the end of the storm, a silver lining. Just give it time. And you'll find yourself back on the path.

The right path.