Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Friend or foe?

Sometimes it's rather hard to distinguish between truths and lies. For example, how do you know if what someone tells you is the truth and not a deception? How do you know if you can trust that person when you hear conflicting accounts of that person's testimony? How do you know if you can trust that person to safekeep your secrets and not blab? and how do you know you're not being used to suit that someone's purposes??!!

I feel a trickle of confusion in my mind hearing this from this person and hearing that from another person. I guess my discerning wisdom is a little wonky and off tangeant at the moment. I realised that I've been sucked into the real world.. the gossip world... the superficious world.

I don't know why I don't seem to defend a person's character when it's being defamed or disparaged or rather I feel unsure what to say. Somehow, with situations in my working life, the people I meet coupled with the way i handle my emotions and thoughts have changed me from a somewhat goody-two-shoe girl to perhaps a super mild wolfess in sheepskin.. or rather not such a goody miss holy. Of course, I don't backstab ppl or do nasty stuff or at least I don't do it intentionally... I HOPE!

Nowadays, I find it hard to distinguish between gossiping/backstabbing and just stating facts/venting ones frustration. And this itself is an indication of my state of mind in the christian faith meter. Yikes! Sometimes when someone tells you a scenario about so and so. You'll ask who is the person involved so that you can either avoid going through such similar situation with such person or just be more cautious around the said person. Then again, perhaps it's just the "gossipy" side in us that wants to know.

I guess what I am trying to say is... today, somehow, I started thinking on this and how I would like to try and curb this gossipy part of me. It's not going to be easy and there will be times where I will probably be a blur bimbo gossiping away when i should stop... but i want to start improving myself and be a better me.

These past few days, I have been doing my goal settings for my work whereby we're supposed to set out goals for development for self in terms of technical skills, personal skills and career. I realised that i have not been growing much as i had been dwelling on the wrong things instead of doing something about it proactively which inadvertently resulting in my current situation.

I have been feeling somewhat positive lately and I hope that when the going gets tough again, I will be able to sum up a little bit, even if just a tiniest bit of optimism so as not to disappoint and aggravate those who have been cheering me on such as lyn, my bf, my family and most importantly... myself.

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