I missed my date with Megan Fox

While I sit here at home, surfing the net and blogging, 80% or probably 90% of my colleagues are at 1u's GSC watching Transformers 2. Yup, without me! It's considered somewhat as a department outing. You see, I didn't really asked around who was going for the movie few weeks back and just informed my department secretary that I wouldn't be going.

Pic taken from here.

Right after that, my "closer" colleagues one by one mentioned that they were going for the free movie. Since it's free PLUS it's TRANSFORMERS!!! But by then, it was too late for me to change my vote. Then again, if there were people who really wanted me to go for it, they could have tried to get for me the tickets. That is what I would have done for a friend. Anyhow, almost towards the end of today, a manager sent out an email saying that he couldn't make it for the movie and thus, a free, available ticket. Somehow, I just didn't have the mood anymore.

Lately, I feel rather antisocial when it comes to office related matters. I feel invisible at times and just another fish in the sea. Somehow withdrawing into my shell.A lot has been happening this past 1 year to me and it's not something I can really go around telling people in the office unless you're really that close to them to the point of being friends than just acquaintances. And sometimes, you may regard ie Colleague A as your bestie or a good friend but in reality, he/she just views you only as a colleague.

My company used to have 8 audit departments but since last year, we've merged to 4 as part of our move to the new office in PJ from Damansara Heights, KL. The merger was so that a stronger department (which was mine) could help out the "weaker" department, by integrating and balancing out the long working hours and shitty portfolios. Hence, my department (which once upon a time, was deemed as the golden department whereby everyone wanted to come in to) had to adapt to a new culture, the weaker department's culture.

pic taken from here.

Most of us felt that instead of our stronger department being the dominant one (since we had a better working environment with better portfolios), we were somewhat taken over by the weaker department. Mergers and integration are always a messy business if not handled with care. Even more so if management do not anticipate and cover all areas of potential disgruntlement or at least rectify when it does arises.

To cut a looooong story short, sometimes, you can have your ideals, your opinions and your beliefs but when you come into the working world, it is "Welcome to reality". You have to follow what your bosses wants and says. Your daddy and mummy no longer can hold your hands and be there to bail you out especially when the going gets tough. What you sow, you will really reap. If you step on someone's toes, be prepared to face the consequences.

Then again, we seem to see a lot of new graduate joiners resigning even just after 1 month of working citing that, "This job is not to my liking" or "I don't want to work the long hours" and so on and so forth. Honestly speaking, this was never what I wanted to do. In my first year itself, I hated it. I did not like my job, the hours, my life and I still don't!

Instead of the luxury of being borne with a silver spoon in my mouth, to chase my dreams or at least pursue a course of my own interest, I had to be practical. That's why I took up an accounting course and now, in audit line. I had to be a realist that whether I like it or not, I had a financial obligation to my family that lots of people don't seem to have.

I have to constantly remind myself, "Hey, look here, mum has done so much for me already and it's time I do my part. Stick it out for 3 years. Get my CPA. My work experience, then move out." Even if it feels like some people aren't pulling their weight, I just have to keep pressing on.

pic taken from here.

My general self development has actually been spiraling downhill these past 2 years. But seriously, enough is ENOUGH! I am already reaching quarter of a century. I don't want to still be living with regrets when I am 30years old.

Hence, I am trying to push out of my cocoon by not dwelling so much on the negative and instead, to focus more on good stuff in order to break free into a beautiful butterfly. It's not an easy journey. Let me tell you this, dwelling on pessimistic thoughts can be emotionally draining and exhausting. Especially when you feel you're on this journey alone. But if He is there for me, walking along beside me, this is a journey that will be the ultimate adventure of my life.

And I hope you, too will also have Him to guide you through the journey of your life!

pic taken from here.