Monday, October 26, 2009

Meaningless existence

Today, it started because of tea.

Her mind wondered as the ammunition came hurling her direction. Or at least, she tried. Words glazed past her and yet, it seep into her mind. The accusations and the hurt, branded in her memory. Words, intentionally said or not, once spoken can never be taken back.

She does not make any effort? She is constantly rude and ill mannered? All she thinks about is hanging out? It was all just baseless sayings and if there were even an ounce of truth in it, she would not utter a single breathe of denial. But facts are facts. And the facts are, she has done the very best that she can. The very best that she knew how to. There is only so much a person can do.

Perhaps with divine intervention, one can go further. But these days...

Whenever she could, she spends for them. Buying little knick knacks, offering and sharing the simplest pleasures that she could afford. And all that she asked was for him to make some tea for her. A cup of tea to help her stay alert and awake or perhaps, as a form of encouragement, love and support that he could have showed her. Perhaps, returning a favour in kind or rather, just as a form of showing his brotherly love.

Was that too much to ask? After all, she always offered to make a cup of tea whenever she could. And today, today was perhaps the day where enough was enough. He made tea for them both but he couldn't even remember to or didn't even stop to think of making tea for her. What was she to think and feel? She's only human.

He wasn't the only one lost and bewildered. He has been given so much and yet no signs of thankfulness is shown nor appreciation exhibited. Let off the frigging hook so much but still making excuses. The questions are: Can he see it? And what goes on in that intelligent mind of his? Why won't he voice out his concerns and burdens? Why can't he see that it's time to stop and move on?? Can he not see that his very actions are hurting both of them?

"Why do we persist in hurting those who love us?", she wondered. And why does those who profess to love , do not show it in actions and in words? She has been trying to stay afloat. Putting on a smiley face and braving the world.

But right now, she can't cos right now, she's defeated. Right now, her spirit is low.

And right now, she wonders and asks God, "why?

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