Monday, May 31, 2010

Popping the cherry

A friend asked me several weeks ago if one's virginity is a big thing. This was my answer to her...

Picture was taken from HERE.

Yes. Virginity is a BIG thing. A sacred thing.

It is something that ought to be revered and be treasured. But in this so called modern world, in some cultures, it's deemed embarrassing to still be a virgin at a certain age. I think it's sad that we don't talk much about this in our Asian culture. How often does one's parents talk about it in a form of and open, honest discussion? Zilch.

My friend asked if it is a big deal and I said, "Of course it is! Just because everyone is doing it doesn't mean we should all jump on the bandwagon and join in the party". I mean, I am not being all righteous and sitting on my high horse judging non-virgins. If you've done it, I am sure one has had ones reasons to it. And perhaps it just happened without you planning cos it just happened.

That's why I previously addressed the ladies, don't let your Bf push you into doing something you're not ready for. Even if it means losing the prick. Anyone's virginity is definitely MORE worthy over a useless guy who can't see it.

If you haven't done it and might be considering popping your cherry, then my point to you would be, at least know WHY you want to lose it, the main reason. Don't lose it for the wrong reasons and don't lose it to only regret later on because, by then, it's a little late.

God isn't against sex. In fact, he created it! He has always meant sex to be something beautiful between a man and a woman but within the context of marriage and it's within reason. But humans being humans have to destroy and contaminate anything good.

You think about it. If your bf/gf does it with someone else before you, there might be some insecurities and comparisons will be inevitable. At that very point, you may think he/she is THE one. The person that you will be with forever! Cos right at that point in time, you both are so in love and everything feels right.

But let me ask you this, how many girls have been caught up in this lie? How many people have felt that it was right there and then but only regretted losing it to that blardy arsehole later on when he moves on or when she moves on, realising that that person was never THE one?? And countless girls (even celebrities) have faced humiliation when their bfs leaked their sex tapes out. Just google it. There are so many such cases.

You watch Hollywood movies with all the passionate, sizzling scenes and you think you want that. That you and your partner is so in love like that. More like in lust cos look what happens to them. Brad Pitt who was then married to Jeniffer Anniston gets together with Angelina Jolie and that's like a repeated scene with 90% of the Hollywood celebrities. Divorces after divorces.

At least, when you both, who has never ever done it, do it together for the first time after marrying, you get to experiment with each other. You get to be embarrassed together. You get to blunder over things together. You get to practice and become better with each other. If not, one might be insecure of the other person's notches, experiences and what not.

It's no longer a western culture, even conservative Asians are doing it. Many are having one night stands and f*** buddies. Many are cheating and many are just going with the motion, giving into lust. The innocent ones tend to get used and some, over the hurt of being used turns to being a playboy/playgirl and hurt others and the process just continues.

Someone just told me few weeks back that he loves this girl oh-so-very-much but the next thing would you know it, he's slept with someone else and is moving in with her. They agree to just be f*** buddies. To me, it's like wth? Seriously. Dumb move. What happens if things don't work out and one decides they no longer want to be in this warped relationship? That person would have to move out. Silly Silly.

This topic is never ending and will always be there for different people with different perspectives to pore over it from all angles. But I still stand by that one should wait for that special someone. and not just "open shop" for any Tom, Dick and Harry.

Waiting isn't a crime. Someone once said to me why wait?? if you wait, you're wasting the time that you can be enjoying. Well, that person is an arsehole and only thinks about his/her pleasure. And trust me, there are a lot of selfish people out there thinking only about satiating their junk.

If a guy really loves you, he would wait. If not, maybe his love just isn't strong enough.

What are your thoughts on this? Do you agree or disagree? Or do you just think I am a prude? =p


ohmywtf said...

but questions...would u accept a non-virgin bf??

eiling lim said...

i agree on the point that one should not be forced into having sex if one does not willingly want it. It's not about preserving the virginity, it's about whether you're happy loosing it or rather is it worth it? what is right or wrong is dictated by the society and it's not wrong to do what you like.

Vanessa said...

Good post. I agree that anyone shouldn't be pushed towards having sex and both partners should wait, at least until each are comfortable with the idea. Yes, it's sad that losing your virginity is soon becoming a popular trend among those our age :(

MKL said...

Virginity is a big thing until a certain age. If I had a daughter, I'd not wish she had sex until she's grown up, but I guess that's just wishful thinking. But at a certain point it's better for me to have sex and gain a little experience. In Europe we're pretty liberal, there's usually no such thing as the woman has to be a virgin before marriage. For us, that's backward thinking. But I know in Asia it's a big thing, especially for Muslim cultures. I say to each their own, we shouldn't condemn any of the two ways.

goingkookies said...

ohmywtf: i prob might but it's very hard to answer based on that question. i guess it'll all depend on what kind of guy he is..

eiling lim: yeah. that's what i mean. well, except the last sentence. it's not wrong to do what we like but we shouldn't always go by our feelings. what u feel now and what u may feel later changes like the wind.

it's true that what is deemed the norm is dictated by society and unfortunately, many succumb to such pressures.

vanessa: thanks. i felt that i was a little bit all over the place. this topic is so vast and u can talk about it from so many angles. hehe. i think finding a virgin would be like finding a needle in a haystack. =p

MKL: welcome back. i get what u mean about the daughter bit. if i had a choice, i rather have a son then a daughter. =p

In Asia it USED to be a big thing. To NOT be a virgin on one's wedding night is a no-no. Nowadays, it isn't much an issue except btwn the couples themselves.

Oh.. there are also muslims who have done it before marriage. I think, irregardless of one's religion and what one's religion dictates, there will always be a rebel or those that break free.

at the end, it's not what one is taught.. it's how strong one is.