I used to read MissyCheerio's blog rather frequently in the past year but somehow lost track over time. Off late, I started reading her posts almost daily. I love to read how she's grown and what she's been and is going through- her journey. And her writing inspires me to write better, to blog better.
Her post on the 6th of June about her Curves in Blogging has inspired this post.
I started blogging in 2003 at snoopynuts.blogspot.com (now, only invited readers can read it but fret not, I don't blog there anymore).
I first started blogging after reading an ex-highschool mate/ uni mate's blog. I can still remember where I typed my first post - Metropolitan College's computer lab whilst surrounded by other Uni students, hard at work, I presume. Yeah, instead of doing my research and work, I was tinkering away at the keyboard to start my journal, online.
My blog's content was real, from the depths of my heart 'cos at that time, no one knew I had a blog and no one had the url. I would blog without nary a thought or repercussions about Uni, the workload and well, things that irked me or made me sad such as friends and Mr. C.
Basically, it was my personal diary.
I, once blogged about a college mate whom at first, I thought was cute and interesting (and this was while I was with Mr. C!) but looking back, I wonder what I ever saw in him!
I think I was just naive in a lot of things and wasn't exposed much to 'the world'.
As more people begin to know about my blog, I realised that I had to be a little more careful with the things I wrote as I didn't want to hurt anyone. You know how you can be blogging about A but B may think it's about her/him after reading a particular post.
Occasionally, you'll be irritated by so-and-so -who are actually from your circle of friends- and you just need an outlet to rant ('cos for some reasons, you can't say it to that person's face), and rant I did in my blog. Hence, I had to go through all my posts and re-amend or delete bits and pieces that might have offended said person or parts that could've been misconstrued although it was genuinely said (heat of the moment though) from the heart.
However, some things are definitely best left unsaid.
So, my snoopynuts blog saw me through my Uni years up to my second year of slavery in audit and in between, my relationship with friends (or lack of) and Mr. C especially the long distance we had to go through.
Anyways, I've bottled up so much on my blog since then as I didn't want to be judged or to be misunderstood. That and some people just didn't like me sharing so much of myself with the world - the unknown readers.
I had a tendency to write super emotional and pessimistic posts that people would ask me to cheer up, to not think and dwell so much. My friends would tell me to stop being pessimistic, especially one or two who were getting irked by it. But that's not how you help a person who's down... not at all!
Even my sister said that it was a super depressing blog. My brother said that despite my snoopynuts blog being melancholic and downright depressing, people can identify as many are just in the same if not, similar boat as I.
Despite all the melancholy and pessimism, it was a reflection of the person that I was, then. You see, unfortunately, by nature, I am a pessimistic person. Some people just have pleasant and sunny dispositions like my sister, but not me.
After awhile, I realised that there are so many others who know me and are reading my depressing blog but I didn't know who they were! If you were my readers then, you'd understand my apprehension. Imagine your boss or seniors reading you blog about how you constantly feel like you're floundering at work, your fears etc. It would not bode well for one's reputation.
And that was what led me to privatised my blog in 2008 and eventually, I stopped blogging altogether for about 5-6 months. That was about the time I was sent to my company's branch at Johor Bahru. With all that was happening, I could not stay away from blogging for long and before you know it, I was back at the blogging world.
This time, I moved to goingkookies.wordpress.com. Once again, it was supposed to be a 'new beginning' but things were pretty messed up in my life than that my blog revert back to it's pessimistic tone.
Of course, I'd rather be happy than be sad but my first thoughts are usually the stormy, negative ones.
Digressing a little... OOOhh.. just saw that I blogged about 'how I started blogging' over HERE.
In January 2009, I moved from wordpress back to blogspot due to the flexibilites it allowed me ie joining Nuffnang among other things. This blog was supposed to be yet another new beginning... a beginning to a more positive outlook. That's why it says goingkookies as in going crazy in a happy sense in a crazy world... to look at the cup half full instead of half empty!
Of course looking back, things were still the same as life was the same. No changes were being made. At the start of 2010, I blogged about my first day of work at my second job and how I felt like I was making the same mistake but perhaps, it was a path I just had to take.
Truth be told, every year I say it'll be a better year, but year after year, I was still making mistakes and not making a stand. This year, 2011, is actually the year that things are starting to pick up despite some other hiccups due to decisions made in the past. But it is also the year that I told myself I won't sit idly and wait for it to be a good year, instead, I vowed to make it a good, if not great year.
And this is how blogging has seen me through my years. From the innocent, impressionable uni girl to the jaded, harded and cynical slave in audit. But most importantly, I am not as negative and as pessimistic as before. At the end of the year, I'll be flying home to celebrate my special occasion with hundreds of people as I pledge my love and fidelity once again to Mr. C!
With my short memory for things that matter, I think my blogs serve as good reminders of my past - both the good ones and the bad ones. And it also shows my journey in life and how I've grown. I do on rare occassions flip through my hardcopy diaries from high school years and my, such girly gibberish but nevertheless, it assails my mind of long ago forgotten memories. =)
Despite this being a super long and unorganised post, this is my story, my journey, my life.
What is your journey? Your story? What inspired you to first blog? And how much have you come from that first post? Do share about it in your blog and link me back so that I can read all about it! =)