Thursday, July 29, 2010

It takes two to tango

Last week, I blogged about relationships last week in TWO INDIVIDUALS WITH TWO FAMILIES' UPBRINGING and decided to give my many, many two cents worth. It's come off rather long winded and a tad too serious as I struggle to inject any sense of wittiness and humour. I do try my best though, I assure you.

In every game, movie or in every situation, everyone has a role to play.
It's like, it takes TWO hands to clap and it takes at least TWO person to tango. So, same goes for a relationship- it's TWO ways.

In any relationship, girls need to understand that as much as we would love men to understand us- to know us, to comprehend us, we will ALWAYS be mind baffling, no matter the decades of years together. It's a bit tough for guys to read us, girls when we don't even know what we want ourselves at times!

Guys and girls make up are DIFFERENT! It's just how we are. Besides that, each individual themselves are different in terms of personality which affects each person's thought, speech and action.

Picture taken from HERE.

TRUE LIFE EXAMPLE #1


My view... I always say that his dad is a really good role model in the sense that he is discipline, responsible and efficient. He brings the dough home (and so does the mum) and ensures that bills are paid on a timely manner, that there is no extravagant spending (within one's limit).

The father is particular about how things are done- how his clothes are washed ironed, how food is cooked, how he wants certain things done a certain way etc. The father doesn't procrastinate and is always 2-3 steps ahead. What am I talking about?? His dad is usually 5 to 10 steps Hence, there is NO need for the mother to nag.

HIS view... However, MR. C claims that his father naturally does what is required of him BECAUSE his mother doesn't nag his father!

Of course after hearing the above, it makes me want to clobber him because even when I don't remind him, I don't see him moving. But you have to bear in mind once again, each of you would have different measurement sticks and different definition for a lot of things leading to...

Piccture taken from HERE.

TRUE LIFE EXAMPLE #2
I always say that I will be happy as long as
Mr. C gives his 100%, his best. Then again, my definition of 100% and his might differ seeing that we both come from different families with different upbringings and values and see the world with different pairs of eyes and understanding. We definitely have VERY different definition to A LOT of things.


Each person's personalities also comes into play and it helps to understand and improve expectations and communications within a relationship, or at least it's supposed to. I blogged previously in 2009 about the four personalities whereby each of us have the tendency to be more dominant of the two out of four- dominant, melancholic, phlegmatic and sanguine.

TRUE LIFE EXAMPLE #3

Although all of us have a bit of each of the four personalities, we tend to be more of two of the personalities. In my case, I am more of a dominant and a melancholic. Dominant in the sense whereby I am more of a task oriented, always on the go, likes to plan and get things done kind of person. However, as a melancholic, I tend to be pessimistic and more sensitive. I find it harder to adapt well to changes and struggles with insecurities.

Mr. C on the other hand is my TOTAL opposite. He is a Sanguine and a Phlegmatic. Being of a Sanguine disposition, he is an extrovert and an optimist, having a brighter outlook in life and of life. As a Phlegmatic, Mr. C possess a calm and amicable demeanor. He is non-confrontational and more inclined to be a people pleaser than one to stir controversy or take a bull by it's horns kind of guy. Sadly, the phlegmatic side of him means he can be rather laid back as he is easily contented with who and where he is.

Picture taken from HERE.

The issue with the both of us having opposite personalities, it means that we clash often. Sometimes, I can be a bit too dominating for his liking and I do try to be more submissive but that can be rather tough especially as I like to be in control most times. =p

We're basically total opposites and Mr. C loves to retort that "Opposites attract" whenever I remind him of our differences and incompatibilities! It is like where he is the sun and I am the moon. He represents day and I, night. He is all sunshine and I am all doom and gory.

There are SO many instances where I don't get how he can think or do what he does and I probably never will but it helps that I know that it's his personality and I have to do certain things differently and perhaps, sometimes, accept that's who he is. I never really understood this until my sis, a Sanguine-Phlegmatic told me that she would have done the same thing in a certain situation as Mr. C, it made me realised how different we think and operate and that we will ALWAYS be opposites. The question is whether I can accept him for who is in a forever scenario.

At the end of the day, it's how we choose to overcome the differences and work things out. On somedays, like today, it can be downright disappointing and tiring. The never ending pushing to get him off his laid backness, to get things done and him, always feeling that what he does is never enough and I will always get on his case one way or another.

Even after 10 years of relationship together with each other, we still our work cut out for us. It's usually tougher when both individual do not share a common personality. Cos each will always feel as if the other is from a different planet with different thinking. To top it off, it doesn't help that man are supposedly from Mars and woman are from Venus.

My bottom line to this super chiong hei (Cantonese for long winded) post is that in any relationship, KNOW that you're both two DIFFERENT individuals with different definitions and thinking! So, you can't expect him to think like how you do and vice versa.

5 comments:

Hilda Milda™ said...

10 years? that is a really long milestone to reach (: Hope I can be like you too one day!

ken said...

wow 10 years.. i didnt even reach 1/5 of that in my relationships.. lol.. keep it up =)

goingkookies said...

hilda: yup yup. it's been a bumpy ride and still is at times but we make the best of whatever we can.. =) hehe sometimes, 10 years together, makes it harder to let it go, if u know what i mean.

ken: haha yeah. i wonder where did that 10 years flew past. no worries.. with being single, mrs ken will appear.. u have a loong time more to find her! =p

Thristhan said...

10 years is huge dude, congrats. My longest is 2 years. Damn, time to hunt for the next one :)

goingkookies said...

10 years is something.. time for lots of happy memories and also lots of sad ones.. =)